Free Web NovelChapter 190: Ren’s Weakest Moments
Ren felt like he was falling into a huge ocean.
He thought that he had broken into pieces, with his body and spirit melting in this really hot seawater. Deep inside, his spirit felt like it was being ripped apart, letting all kinds of things — even the ones that were super embarrassing or ugly — to come out without holding back, showing up in front of the person he liked the most, without hiding anything.
He wasn’t sure how he appeared right now, but he wished he was just seriously hurt and bloody instead of being seen in such a shameful way.
Ren started to really hate himself, wondering why he couldn’t stop himself from rushing to have a quick look as soon as he heard Kestrel’s voice. It was really only a sneaky peek from a distance, but Kestrel turned around and saw him right away.
He felt frustrated, but at the same time, he couldn’t deny feeling a little happy.
Inside his psychic world, it felt like the whole ocean was flipping upside down, the world tipping over, with huge waves where he was caught in the rising waters, unable to keep himself steady.
Between the sky and the ocean, it seemed like a red sun had gone under the water, making the whole sea hot with its red color, changing the blue waters to a bright red.
In the water, Ren tried to see Kestrel’s peaceful eyes through the red surface. She was watching him through the reddish water, her face calm and serious, dressed neatly, without showing any fear. She seemed cold, clear-headed, not moved at all, showing no feelings. It looked like there was a bit of gold shining deep in her eyes, like a god quietly watching the ocean, feeling sorry for the sad and ugly creature in front of her.
Ren experienced the taste of the beta pheromone. It wasn’t a cheap fake mixture, but the most real, natural smell that could attract an alpha, coming from a genuine, powerful beta person.
Ren didn’t know how the beta pheromone got there, but the second Kestrel bent down to kiss him, he totally lost it. He couldn’t tell what was gently touching his lips and teeth, and what was softly kissing and biting. He just felt like the end of his tongue got bit, sending a shock through his whole body, making his skin and bones shake, making his skull feel numb.
Next, his awareness dipped down even more, before quickly coming back, his gloves getting taken off.
"Why is she taking off the gloves?" Ren wondered sadly in the middle of all the craziness—The place he least wanted to show was there.
To keep himself safe from getting hurt, he wouldn’t even remove his gloves even when he was asleep. Now, the cloth that was always against his skin was being taken off slowly.
Ren felt that he was losing his final shield, like everything he could cling to was being taken away.
The smell of Kestrel’s beta pheromone filled the deep sea, reminding Ren of the richest, smoothest wine. The powerful fragrance quickly filled every corner, making him feel dizzy with just one sniff.
This made Ren feel a bit of pain, leaving him confused and unsure of how deep he might fall into this.
Ren noticed Kestrel’s long hair flowing like a waterfall, with soft strands floating before his eyes. He thought those strands must be really cold, maybe able to lessen his pain. From the water, he stretched his hand to hold onto those flowing strands.
He started to think of himself as a fish, understanding that he had always been one. Wanting something he shouldn’t have led to him getting caught in a fishing net. Steel ropes cut into his skin, pulling him from the water to the land, tearing his body open, laying his soul bare, and placing him on display. And he couldn’t fight back, just lying there with his mouth wide open.
He was sure Kestrel had done something.
In that moment, his eyes opened wide, feeling burnt. He couldn’t think straight, unable to tell right from wrong.
Big waves pushed him closer to the peak. He could feel the intense heat from the sun’s circle in front of him.
Even though he wanted to say no, when he tried to speak, only a very soft and embarrassing sound came out. Shortly after, he found himself back in the deep sea, with the bubbling and cold waters pulling him downward.
This ocean, which he knew so well, suddenly seemed so strange to him. New waves, new currents, colors he didn’t recognize. It kept happening, over and over, not stopping.
"Stop it, Kestrel," Ren said, shutting his eyes, not sure if he was shedding tears.
He felt so embarrassed, like his most delicate feelings were being seized, held tightly, and toyed with easily. It seemed she could now control his feelings easily, lifting him up and bringing him down without him being able to fight it.
Ren felt extremely ashamed, but there was also a small feeling of happiness; to say he was overjoyed would not truly describe what he was going through.
A soft voice in his ear warned him that this might not be okay, but those soft voices got swallowed up by the loud waves, vanishing without leaving a trace.
Through the red-tinted surface of the sea, he saw Kestrel bend down to kiss him, sharing her pheromones with him generously, soothing him, a man torn between extreme happiness and sadness.
The space they were in was cramped, filled with a bunch of random stuff. They seemed to be surrounded by bags full of cotton, entwined by tendrils.
Outside the flimsy door, they could hear the noises of several people moving about. A group of alphas passed by the door. The sound of heavy boots was heard, followed by someone coughing and spitting.
Two people stopped, standing near the door and talking to each other:
"Where on earth is he hiding? He’s seriously hard to locate." freewēbnoveℓ.com
"It’s amazing, with so many of us and we still can’t find him."
"I’m really curious to see who this remarkable person is."
They had no idea that just behind that flimsy door, the strong alpha they were talking about was right there, lying down. Kestrel’s tendrils protected the small area tightly, leaving no gaps, making sure none of his intense feelings got out, even hiding the quiet noises he was making.
"How long will this last?" Ren wondered if time was still moving forward.
Now they were in the midst of a dangerous situation, with the people chasing them only separated by a thin wall, and the person he really liked was helping him — this was the worst yet most exciting situation he had ever been in.
Ren felt nervous, but also thought it might be nice to end things happily in this way.
Above the water in his psychic landscape, the color of Kestrel’s eyes changed to a golden hue, making her look like a cold and heartless god, watching the large fish struggling beneath the water.
She stayed still, carefully using her power to avoid completely destroying the one she had captured. She kept her cool as always, showing no emotions, and even her clothes looked perfectly neat.
As she observed Ren’s awkward reactions, she didn’t show even a bit of scorn.
Obviously, she wasn’t influenced by the heat cycle, so she didn’t truly claim him as hers.
Ren understood that Kestrel was a really kind person, always ready to help him, no matter when or what the situation. She was looking out for him, keeping him safe.
But, for some reason, Ren felt a bitterness in his heart right now, which made him feel like crying from sadness.
