Free Web NovelChapter 257: Heretic / 1.18 : Do I have feelings for him?
Kian woke up and rubbed his eyes. He looked up and gazed at the person holding him. After going to bed, Lucian came back, and they spent most of the night talking. They ended up falling asleep in each other’s arms.
He never slept next to someone before. All his first are with Lucian, like his first kiss. Thinking about it, he looked at his lips. He thought he would try to kiss him again, but he didn’t. freewebnσvel.cѳm
Kian feels a little anxious. What if he was a bad kisser, and now he doesn’t want to anymore? That day, he was taken by surprise, and Lucian ended up kissing a statue. Plus, it was his first kiss. Isn’t everyone bad during their first kiss?
Even if he feels trepidation at the idea of kissing again, he doesn’t want Lucian not to want to do it. He reached out and caressed his lips softly. When Lucian opened his eyes, he pulled back his hand and looked at him wide-eyed.
Lucian’s eyes flashed with amusement and he smiled. Kian immediately sat up. Lucian followed his lead and caressed his head.
"Did you sleep okay?"
Kian nodded, his cheeks flushed.
Lucian said:
"I’ll go shower in my room, I’ll come to get you when I’m done."
Kian nodded and watched him leave. When he was gone, he ran to the bathroom and shower fast. He wants to talk to Eden before Lucian comes back.
When Kian was dressed, he called:
*Eden, can you come?*
Five seconds later Eden appeared in the walk-in closet.
He smiled.
"Hey, is everything okay?"
Kian bit his lip and asked:
"Can you look into my mind?"
Eden put two fingers on each temple and closed his eyes. A few seconds later, he let go and looked at Kian with a smile. Kian’s cheeks flushed and he looked down.
"Do you think I have feelings for him?"
Eden asked:
"Where does the doubt come from?"
Kian looked up and said:
"I’ve only ever liked girls, I never thought of men differently."
Eden asked:
"Have you ever seen a man and thought he looked handsome?"
Kian nodded. He would often see handsome men and wish he looked like them. Even if he had feelings for Leah, he could appreciate men’s beauty.
Kian said:
"But I was sure I was straight."
Eden said:
"You don’t need to label yourself. Just because you like girls doesn’t mean you’re straight. Atlas likes girls, but he doesn’t consider himself straight, he likes men as well, but he doesn’t consider himself gay."
Kian looked at Eden surprised, he was sure that Atlas was gay. He had no idea he liked girls too.
"Then, does that mean I’m bisexual?"
Eden asked:
"Why did you fall in love with Leah?"
Kian said:
"She was sweet and thoughtful. She always had my back, and we were the only person we could talk to about the problems in our life."
"Why do you like Lucian?"
Kian said: frёewebηovel.cѳm
"He is nice, and I can tell that he cares for me. I feel like I can be my true self with him and open up."
No matter how much he tried to be tough it never worked in front of Lucian, it’s like he can’t bear to lie to him.
Eden spoke:
"Your feeling for both those people didn’t start because of a physical attraction, but an emotional connection. It seems like your feelings develop after you establish an emotional bond. You care more about the person than their physical appearance or gender."
Kian looked at Eden, stunned. It’s true that even if Leah was beautiful, he started to fall for her when they started to open up to each other. That’s why even when his feelings changed, he still held on to their friendship.
He never started to talk to her because he wanted anything more than a friendship. Even if he thought Lucian was handsome, he was more excited about the idea of having made a friend.
What Eden says makes sense, he cares more about having a strong bond with the person than anything else. And it seems like that need surpasses their physical appearance or gender. Kian asked:
"So you believe I have feelings for Lucian?"
Eden looked into Kian’s hopeful eyes and chuckled.
"You already have the answer to that question, Kian. Can’t you see how hopeful you are that I’ll say yes? You know your heart better than anyone."
Kian felt speechless when he realized that it was true.
He wants Eden to say that he has feelings for Lucian because he does. Since Eden is more versed in relationships, he was worried he might say he doesn’t. Kian was worried he might’ve seen something he hadn’t.
Lucian makes his heart beat faster, and he misses him when he’s not close to him. It’s pretty evident that he has feelings for him.
"I have feelings for him, I like him a lot. The feelings that I have for him aren’t like the ones I had for Leah. I could bear to watch her date other men, but I can’t with Lucian. When he gets closer to someone else, I feel like my heart is being squeezed by something."
Eden smiled, and he put a hand on his shoulder.
"It means that it’s more than feelings."
Kian blinked and asked:
"Are you..."
He felt unable to say more, and Eden nodded. Kian swallowed, so that’s how it feels when your heart belongs to someone else entirely. But does he own Lucian’s heart? He only talked about feelings, nothing more.
He doesn’t even want to kiss him again... And what about sex? He’s never been with anyone, but he knows that your first time hurts. Kian’s heartbeat quickened, and he took a breath to calm down.
"Look at me."
He looked at Eden.
"I know it’s scary, but when you’re in the moment with the right person, all those fears fade."
Kian nodded, it makes sense. He trusts Lucian, so it’ll be okay. He just needs to have faith.
"Thank you."
Eden smiled and hugged him. Kian hugged him back.
"I told you if you need anything, call me, and I’ll always be there."
Kian pulled back and nodded. He looked down and whispered:
"I’m sorry."
Eden tilted his head.
"For what?"
Kian looked up uneasily.
"I should’ve listened to you when we were in Versal. You were right, my happiness at being powerful only lasted a couple of days."
Eden said:
"It’s okay, it was the same with Atlas. You’re young, of course, you’re going to act as you believe right and that’s alright. At least now you realized that your sweetness is what will help you with your mission, and make you create worthy relationships, along the way."
Kian nodded. If Lucian hadn’t seen him for who he is, he doubts that they would’ve become closer. And being seen as weak and nice, allowed him to get away with Eben and his aunt’s murder. He didn’t even need to lift a finger, since Elian did it for him because he considered him to be a victim.
When Kian heard a sound, he said in his head:
*It’s Lucian.*
*I should go, call me if you need anything.*
*I will, thank you.*
Eden nodded and disappeared.
