Free Web NovelChapter 351: Being Worth In The Eyes Of Others
Aether sighed. He wished he could meet Kael; he had no idea he was feeling like this, that he thought that he had failed him... since he really hadn’t, he had been a great teacher, he had helped him when he was struggling with his anger, and he had helped him enough with getting his style. Even if he hadn’t directly thought it to him. It was because of him that he learned it. But... at least now he could rest... he really hoped that with him feeling his pain, he could stop regretting.
He was a great person.
Someone he looked up to.
He himself regrets not being able to spend more time with him, pretty ironic...
Though he had to say... this memory had definitely not helped his mind recover, it just gave it more to think about, more things to hurt him with. Seeing others suffering was never going to help him get better, though.
Which is ironic, since while the circumstance he was in right now wasn’t normal, what he was doing was considered a normal thing.
Whenever someone is hurt, they tend to stick with and talk to people who are feeling the same thing; they can share their experiences together, but at the same time, does it really help? Sure, there were, rather, there had to be cases where it did, but was it really the best way to get yourself out of a situation?
If you had depression and talked with someone who was in the same situation as you about depression, was it really the best way to get out of it?
It was the most comfortable way, but the best?
He really didn’t see it that way.
Right now, he was doing that exact thing, feeling the hardship of others, like they were telling him their stories, and they sure weren’t helping him recover. Maybe, because the stories he was seeing didn’t have a happy ending, to show him that even beyond all the hardship he was feeling, there was light at the end of the tunnel.
That was what he considered the best way: talking to someone who has been in your situation, but has resolved their problems. Because they know both what you’re going through and how to get out of it.
Aether looked at the place Kael’s frequencies had been resting, and gave it a soft smile. "Hope you can rest with your master and family. I’m sure they will be happy to see you."
Then he turned back.
That was too already, he needed three more... and by the people he had picked so far, he had an idea of who he was going to get next... and he really wasn’t... ready. The memories have had an effect so far, but if the next two were who he thought they were going to be, they were going to have a much bigger effect.
But there is no reason to waste any time. He just had to get it done.
Aether walked over to the next body, sighing before entering its memories.
...
...
Metting expectation, truly such a burden.
Lucien rested his head against the edge of the couch, watching as his great parents prepared to leave for yet another of their expeditions. It was normal for them to leave; they weren’t here most of the time, either way. He had taught himself how to live. How to survive, so he didn’t mind it that much.
Getting off the couch, he watched as the people praised his parents as they left. Why? That was a question he couldn’t answer. Sure, they were Will-users, the only, but what had they done so far?
And if they were this... great, how was he supposed to be greater? He was a Will-less... no one knew this... but still.
...
...
Though at least no one will ever know he was a Will-less, not now that his parents have died.
Lucien stood in front of their graves, as people cried their hearts out around him. Some even hugged him, telling him everything will be fine, praising them for him, and telling him how great they were, and how much greater he will be.
In their eyes, he must be terrified, depressed that his parents had died.
But... he had not shed a tear once.
And it wasn’t because he was heartless, he would have cried if it was truly someone he cared that died. But his parents... how was he supposed to cry at the death of someone he hardly knew? They were away for almost his whole life, more time on expeditions than with their son, more time spent with people than with him.
So how was he supposed to cry himself to sleep to someone who, to him, was worth less than one of his toys?
Actually, their death had come with the end of one of his biggest fears, that being the truth about him not being a Will-user coming out, since his parents and he were the only ones who knew. If the truth came out, he would shatter their expectations... and he didn’t want that to happen.
He had spent all his life chasing them; he wasn’t going to let a useless Will make him lose everything... really, sometimes he hated that they existed; they had caused him more harm than good.
Though... now that his parents were gone, all the focus would go on him... the expectation would get higher and higher, will he really be able to meet them? Would the pressure get to him?
...
He tried his best, he really did.
All the tricks he learned, and those he was spending time learning, all had one purpose: to show the people what they wanted to see. He tried his best to imitate Will’s going to the point of saying he was someone who could use all of them, but the expectations of the people got higher and higher with each day, until not even that was enough... and he was really trying his best.
Being confident in the face of others, even if that wasn’t him. He did everything just to be who they wanted him to be...
And yet... because of everything he had done, the people of the village all died. Because of him, all the work the people before him, including his parent’s have gone to waste.
He had failed them.
...
And yet, even after... Was there someone who saw potential in him?
A boy, who just like him was born without any power, and yet had taken another path from him, and had become someone, he had gained strength by himself, without having a Will help him.
Aether... someone who had to complete a mission from his master and meet his expectations...
But...
Would he really be of help to him? Even if he had gained a Will, would he really be who he expects him to be? ... This time, he will be, no matter what happened, he will meet the expectation of the one who believed in him, no matter what. No matter how much it hurt or how much he sweated, he was going to become strong, strong enough to fight by his and Kade’s side. Be the one they believe they can put their trust in.
...
But did he really?
Until the end, he had to be protected by others; whether it was Kade or Aether, he always had to be the one who was protected, who stood behind the others. And then, after the war in the Tides... his life had come to an end... a pitiful one... but had he really... become the person everyone wished him to be... after so many years, after so many people with high expectations in him, had he truly become someone great...
...
No... in the end, he had been as useless as he had always been. He had not even gotten close to becoming the person everyone had hopes for him to become, the one that people would put their trust in.
He had failed them all, and pretty badly, even after spending all of his pathetic life chasing one thing; he had still found out a way to fail this badly. Even with one goal, he still found a way to fail, a way to disappoint... how was he supposed to rest, knowing that everyone that has done something so that he could become great had died for nothing? How was he supposed to see their faces in the afterlife? What could he even tell them? He had no excuse.
He had failed to meet their expectation.
...
He wished he could have done something different... anything, since maybe then, he could actually reach that point everyone so wished him to reach... but who knew, maybe he wouldn’t have reached it either way.
With how useless he was, it wasn’t impossible.
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Truly a curse... what if he had been born without any expectations, would he have been able to enjoy his life more, even if only by a little bit? Instead of wasting it.
