Free Web NovelChapter 89: Spinning Friendo
Nobody immediately pointed toward the audience. "SYSTEM HELP ME!!!" ƒrēewebnoѵёl.cσm
The wrestling arena echoed with his desperate cry. Muscle Bob meanwhile was happily shadowboxing.
JAB!
JAB!
UPPERCUT!
The invisible audience cheered.
BOB!
BOB!
BOB!
Nobody looked at the system window floating beside him. "Seriously! Give me a useful skill! A weakness! Or something like a cheat code!"
The system remained silent for a few seconds.
Then finally responded.
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[SUGGESTION]
Figure out the enemy.
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Nobody stared. "...That’s it?"
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[Yes]
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"That is the worst advice ever!"
The system ignored him.
Unfortunately a new warning appeared. Bright red light flashing.
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[WARNING]
Muscle Bob is preparing:
SPINNING STRIKE
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Nobody slowly turned around. Then looked directly at us. His expression was completely dead. "...At that moment I knew I was fked up."
Behind him....Muscle Bob raised both gloves.
The kangaroo grinned. Then began spinning. Slowly at first.
SPIN.
SPIN.
SPIN.
Then faster and faster.
And faster. The arena lights started bending. The floor shook and air distorted. A tornado began forming around him. Yellow energy mixed with bright red energy. The giant vortex expanded rapidly.
FWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOSH!
The audience exploded with excitement.
BOB!
BOB!
BOB!
Nobody pointed. "WHY DOES THE COMEDY CHARACTER HAVE BOSS MUSIC?!"
No answer came. The crowd didn’t even respond to Nobody. Nobody being offended said, "Are you guys fking ignoring me right now?!!"
The tornado grew larger. The kangaroo was now completely hidden inside it. Only his laughter remained. "YAHOOOOOOOO!"
Nobody immediately made the smartest decision available. He very fast. The tornado followed. "WHY IS IT FOLLOWING ME?!"
The tornado answered by moving faster.
Nobody screamed. "THAT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION!"
The wrestling ring was quickly becoming too small. Every time the spinning Bob got close....
BOOM!
A fist emerged from the tornado. Nobody barely dodged.
Another punch.
WHAM!
He ducked.
A third punch.
BOOM!
His hair got blown backward. Nobody continued sprinting. "THIS ISN’T FAIR!"
Muscle Bob laughed. Inside the tornado a voice echoed. "Nobodyyyyy!"
Nobody immediately regretted existing. "What?!"
"Don’t you wanna say hello to your friendo Bob?"
Nobody nearly tripped. "What kind of question is that?!"
The tornado gained speed. "Come on friendo! Let’s be friends!"
Nobody pointed behind him while running. "NO THANK YOU GOOFYTUNES! I have enough friends!"
The tornado punched again.
BOOM!
Nobody rolled away. "And I already have audiences watching me! YOU ARE TOO MUCH FOR ME!"
The tornado somehow became happier. "YAHOOOOOOOO!"
Nobody hated everything.
The spinning storm suddenly accelerated much faster than before. The entire arena started shaking. Pieces of the ring were ripped apart.
Even Ren stopped eating popcorn. "Oh. That one looks painful."
Nobody shouted from across the arena. "YOU THINK?!"
The tornado finally caught him. A giant glove emerged.
WHAM!
Nobody got punched directly into the vortex. The world instantly became chaos. Everything spun. Left became right. Up became down. Existence became questionable. Nobody was tossed around inside the tornado like laundry.
SPIN!
SPIN!
SPIN!
SPIN!
SPIN!
He couldn’t see, couldn’t think. Couldn’t breathe properly. Only suffering remained. Inside the tornado he screamed. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
Muscle Bob laughed. "WHEEEEEEEE!"
Nobody wanted to die. Unfortunately the stage specifically prevented that.
The system kindly reminded him.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
[USER IS CURRENTLY SUFFERING]
( ꩜ ᯅ ꩜;)
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"THANK YOU SYSTEM! For reminding."
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[YOU ARE WELCOME]
ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧
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Nobody’s eye twitched. Even while spinning.
Somehow the tornado launched him upward.
Higher.
Higher.
Higher.
Now he was spinning above the tornado. Like a helicopter blade. His vision blurred. His stomach gave up. His soul tried leaving. Nothing worked. He was trapped. Nobody finally shouted. "ZIGZAG TELEPORTATION!"
FLASH!
FLASH!
FLASH!
The world suddenly stabilized. Nobody escaped the tornado. Appearing on the opposite side of the arena.
He dropped to one knee. Holding his stomach. "DON’T PUKE. DON’T PUKE. DON’T PUKE."
The tornado continued spinning elsewhere.
Nobody slowly stood. His vision still felt weird.
The audience sits looking like potatoes. Ren looked like a carrot. Blossom looked like cotton candy.
Eventually his eyes focused again. He took a deep breath. "Okay. I escaped. Good. The tornado is over there...Very good...I have distance. Excellent."
Then a voice spoke beside him. "Hi friendo."
Nobody froze. Very slowly he turned his head.
Muscle Bob stood right beside him.
Smiling and waving. Not spinning anymore. Just standing there. Like he’d always been there. Nobody’s soul almost left again."..." He shouted "...How?"
Bob smiled wider.
Nobody gulped very hard.
The kangaroo pointed at himself proudly. "Bob."
"Yes. I know."
Bob pointed at Nobody. "Friendo."
"No."
Bob nodded confidently. "Yes."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Yesssss."
Nobody looked toward Ren. The rabbit coach had fallen out of his seat laughing. Actual tears streamed down his face. "HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Nobody pointed desperately. "REN!"
"What?!"
"HELP!"
"No!"
"WHY?!"
Ren wiped tears away. "Because this is hilarious!"
Nobody looked betrayed again.
The system suddenly appeared.
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Battle Awareness Increased
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Threat Recognition Improved
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User is adapting to unpredictable opponents
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Nobody blinked. Then blinked again. "...Wait."
The notifications continued.
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New Combat Data Acquired
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Nobody slowly looked toward Bob. The goofy kangaroo smiled.
Then gave a thumbs-up.
Nobody narrowed his eyes.
The kangaroo tilted his head. "Friendo?"
Nobody stood up properly. The dizziness slowly faded. His crowbars reappeared in his hands.
CLANG.
CLANG.
Bob blinked.
Nobody pointed one crowbar at him. "Okay."
The audience became quiet. Ren stopped laughing. Even Blossom looked curious.
Nobody rolled his shoulders. Then grinned. "If I can’t understand reality..." He raised both crowbars. "...then I’ll beat reality with crowbars."
Muscle Bob’s eyes sparkled. The kangaroo immediately became excited. "YAHOOOOOO!"
The crowd exploded.
BOB!
BOB!
BOB!
BOB!
And now, after entering Stage Seven Nobody stopped running. "Let’s see Bob Friendo, what you got next."
Muscle Bob bounced excitedly in place.
BOING!
BOING!
BOING!
The entire wrestling ring shook with each landing. The kangaroo pointed both gloves toward Nobody. His grin somehow became even wider. "Yahoooo! Friendo wants to fight!"
The invisible audience erupted into cheers.
BOB!
BOB!
BOB!
Nobody spun his crowbars once.
CLANG.
CLANG.
"Don’t get the wrong idea. I still think you’re completely insane."
Bob nodded proudly. "Thank you!"
"...That wasn’t a compliment."
The kangaroo gave a thumbs-up anyway.
Nobody sighed. "Of course that went over your head."
The system suddenly popped up.
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[ANALYSIS]
Opponent behavior:
99% nonsense
1% combat technique
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Nobody stared. "Only one percent?! That was your fking new combat data?!!!"
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[Correct]
(˵ ¬ᴗ¬˵)
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"Then how am I supposed to fight him?!"
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[Good question]
(≖⩊≖)
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"..."
"I hate this system."
Meanwhile, Muscle Bob suddenly pulled out a referee whistle from nowhere.
FWEET!
Then a championship belt. Then a folding chair. Then somehow a watermelon.
Nobody pointed aggressively. "STOP SUMMONING RANDOM OBJECTS!"
Bob looked at the watermelon. Then at Nobody. Then casually ate the entire thing in one bite.
CHOMP.
Nobody slowly lowered his crowbars. "This stage is trying to kill my sanity."
From the audience, Ren laughed again. "Good. Battle awareness isn’t the only thing being trained here."
Nobody immediately became suspicious. "...What does that mean?"
Ren simply smiled.
And that answer scared Nobody far more than Muscle Bob did.
