Free Web NovelChapter 61: Kung Moo Secret Style Hack Tuah
As the dust in this former noble home began to clear up, two imposing figures were now standing on the giant genuine imitation rosewood table that the three members of the Garfunky family were just sitting at.
Looking down while still chewing his tobacco, Sir Moo-Rlboro said in an amused tone, "Well, well, well, look what we have here, Sir Cut-n-Run: a group of merchants that failed to pay their taxes and are making sure that treachery is afoot."
The nine-foot-tall bearded Sir Cut-n-Run replied to Sir Moo-Rlboro with gusto, "Ha ha, Sir Moo-Rlboro, we are going to have to get to work oppressing some merchants."
Dunce looked at this giant man, blinking his eyes and not quite believing them: a talking cow. This made Dunce ask the obvious question in the room, "How the hell is there a talking cow in my home?"
Suddenly, Sir Moo-Rlboro remembered that he forgot the most important thing for oppressing others. "Oh, my apologies, I forgot my chewing tobacco. It’s an essential part of my daily face-slapping regiment."
Then, by some kind of magic, Sir Moo-Rlboro pulled out a tin of chew and stuffed a nice large wad of it into his mouth. Then Sir Moo-Rlboro looked at Dunce and said, "Dunce Garfunky, you and your uncles Ninny and Lameish owe the Southern Hampshire Plains back taxes for various nefarious deeds. As I previously said, I’m Sir Moo-Rlboro of the Grimsever Tax and Inspection Collection Department, at your service. This is my partner, Sir Cut-n-Run. Don’t run away now, or he will stab you in the butt, which is something I would love to see."
All three members of the Garfunky family instinctively covered their rear derrieres. They were too rich to not be able to sit. Dunce put on an arrogant look and said to Sir Moo-Rlboro, "You damn cow, get the hell off my table and pay me the money you owe me for making that hole in our roof. I don’t have to pay you or that idiot Fate anything. He should be happy that my family purchased a home in this city in the first place."
At the mention of this, Lameish said in support of Dunce, "My nephew is right. We don’t owe you anything."
Suddenly, a loud whipping noise was heard.
*Whip*
*Bash*
"Ahh!"
Sir Cut-n-Run hit Lameish right in the face with his extendable face-slapping beard. Then he said with a smile on his face, "Don’t be such a Debbie Downer. We are here to collect some money. So pay up, or we will start repossession proceedings."
Dunce was dumbfounded by this man. How the hell can a beard extend on its own like that and hit his righteously arrogant uncle?
Then, with a sneer on his face, Ninny said to both of these intruders, "Ha ha, you have to be able to leave here alive to collect any interest from us. Guards, kill these losers."
Sir Cut-n-Run looked at his partner and said, "Mike, I just want some money for their attempts on the Phoenix Lord’s life, but they have to make things so complicated. Well, time to initiate repossession proceedings then."
Suddenly, ten guards burst into the room with long curved swords in their hands. Five of them came at Sir Moo-Rlboro and the other five at Sir Cut-n-Run.
Sir Cut-n-Run jumped off of the table and flew over the heads of the five men, landing behind them. Then, using his beard, Sir Cut-n-Run slapped all five of the men on the back of the head.
*Slap* x5 freewebnσvel.cøm
The five men went flying into the air and landed on the fake rosewood table that Sir Moo-Rlboro had just jumped off of.
*Bam*
*Crash*
Then Sir Cut-n-Run ran up to the men as they tried to get themselves up out of the table debris. Pulling the eight-foot-long claymore sword from his back, Sir Cut-n-Run said out loud, "Ha ha, prepare for the fright of your life."
The five men, regaining their footing, all held out their long curved swords as they pulled them back, ready to strike. Sir Cut-n-Run was not about to allow this. With a colossal swing of his sword, it cut through the air as it made impact with the men’s swords. frёeweɓηovel.coɱ
*Ding*
*Snap* x5
All five of the men’s swords were broken in half from this one swing.
These five men, scared out of their minds, fell to their knees and screamed as one, "Please spare us! We’re not worthy!"
With a smile on his face, Sir Cut-n-Run stayed true to his word. "I cut your swords apart, but now you still need to pay the price for raising your swords to a government official."
After saying this, Sir Cut-n-Run used his beard to slap all five men in the face extremely hard. All five men were knocked out from this beard slap. When they woke up a while later, all they would feel was a sense of shame for not having such a glorious beard like Sir Cut-n-Run and a deep and serious case of rug burn on their faces.
Sir Moo-Rlboro, after jumping off of the wooden table, ran at the five men charging at him. Mike jumped up standing on his two bottom hooves. Now standing on two hooves, Sir Moo-Rlboro jumped up into the air and called out to these five men, saying, "Kung Moo Fu secret style: my milkshake brings all the men to the ground because my milk is better than yours."
As he said this, Mike’s udder suddenly released massive amounts of lethal milk from his udder like a rapid-fire gatling gun. Dozens of high-powered shots of milk hit these five men all at once, and when they did, their swords began to melt along with the clothing the men wore.
Sir Moo-Rlboro was merciful and only melted their shirts and swords, having no wish to see any manly junk on his first tax-collecting mission. These five men also fell to the ground and begged for mercy. But Sir Moo-Rlboro paid them no attention as he suddenly saw a sneaky little eleventh guard trying to sneak up on him.
So Mike employed another one of his long-distance, non-lethal takedown techniques, saying, "Kung Moo Fu secret manly style: hack tuah."
Sir Moo-Rlboro spit out his chewing tobacco, which flew out of his mouth and through the air.
*Splat*
It hit the guard right in his eyes. Smoke began to rise from the poor man’s face as he dropped his sword and fell to the ground.
Sir Moo-Rlboro, Mike, said out loud to the man, "Serves trash like you right for trying to sneak attack me. I hope you enjoy the brighter side of life now that you’re blind, loser."
