Free Web NovelChapter 775: Chasing the things that others don't yearn for...
“Eh? Are you the senior who guided me during the enrollment? Hello, senior! May I ask if this is your true body this time?”
“Yes it is.”
“Ahhh Ah! Senior, you also came to watch our Newcomer Competition?”
The girl asked excitedly.
“I did. After all, around this time last year, I also represented my class in the Newcomer Competition, so I came back to take a look.”
“Senior, you actually participated in this match? I heard that in previous years, only class presidents could participate in this competition!”
“That's true, but it changed this year. Have you gone onto the field yet?”
“Not yet. There are quite a few people in our class, and my turn is ranked near the end.”
“Then, do your best.”
“I’ve received the senior's encouragement! When it's my turn to go up later, I'll definitely go on a total carnage!”
Bidding farewell to this enthusiastic junior, I watched her return to her class's spectator stands on the field.
“Xiao Han is actually unexpectedly popular.”
“What? Is Big Sis Bai jealous?”
“How could I be? I’m just happy that Xiao Han can talk so casually with strangers. At least it's a huge improvement from before.”
“Ehhh”
I drew out the sound as I looked at Big Sis Bai, “Then what kind of image did I have in Big Sis Bai's eyes before?”
“Mhm... a... helpless little girl who wasn't good at socializing and would only immerse herself in her own world?”
“Really? Was I that helpless?”
I personally felt that I was quite self-reliant.
At the very least, I was the type who could go out into society, work for myself, and wouldn't starve to death, right?
“Wasn't it the case? Wasn't the old Xiao Han the type who could be tricked into going home with just a few comforting words? At least I could do it, couldn't I?”
“Listen to you! How could you describe me as... as...”
“Just say whether it's true or not.”
“Even if you say that... Humph... take this!”
I took a deep breath, stopped in my tracks, and ordered a portion of barbecue from a small stall nearby to hide my embarrassment.
However, I had to say that the senior who could open a small barbecue stall here really had a mind for business.
Originally, no vendor areas were set up here, but she was doing a mobile spell barbecue.
That hand of fire spells, which had a very performative characteristic, was truly quite eye-catching.
“Give me a portion as well. I'll pay for hers along with mine.”
Big Sis Bai also leaned in beside me and asked for a bunch that were already grilled, paying for mine as well before taking them.
“Wait, Big Sis Bai, what are you doing?”
“Feeding you.”
Big Sis Bai took out a skewer, held it in front of me, and said with a smile.
“Are you going to eat it or not?”
“Of course I’ll eat it!”
I bit onto the barbecue Big Sis Bai handed over, and the temperature of the fire-roasted meat and the scorched aroma exploded in my mouth.
Of course, these were all just minor interludes.
Big Sis Bai accompanied me as we strolled through the training grounds.
Rather than watching the matches, it was more like we were enjoying this atmosphere.
Just as Big Sis Bai said, I easily immersed myself in my own world.
In the past, I knew nothing and would only let myself daydream.
Now, I simply treated the things I was interested in as the only things in my world.
The Self-generating Magic Power experiment was the most obvious example.
This gradually made me realize that aside from constantly cognizing the transcendent and performing transcendent experiments, I truly seemed to know nothing else.
Looking around, the Newcomer Competition was nothing more than a noisy environment to me.
Even the passionate matches in the arena couldn't stir my enthusiasm.
I became lost at the crossroads between living a brilliant life and chasing life goals.
Perhaps this was a trade-off problem that everyone would encounter, but most people still chose to remain mediocre.
This was perhaps yet another answer.
“Xiao Han, Xiao Han!”
“Mhm?”
Being called by Big Sis Bai like this, I suddenly snapped out of it.
“Dazing off again? What does Xiao Han think about every day?”
“Uh... I was... nothing. Where are we going next?”
“Ehhh”
Seeing my appearance, Big Sis Bai let out a deep sigh, “Is Xiao Han thinking about the meaning of life again?”
“Don't use Heart Sense for this kind of thing...”
“But Xiao Han isn't candid enough, and I have no choice. Without using this method, how else would I know what things are troubling Xiao Han's steps every day?”
“I’m not, though...”
“Even you don't believe those words when you say them, right? What kind of grand principles are you thinking about? Does life need those things? Besides, you haven't told me what it meant when you said some witches were going to enjoy a blessing earlier!”
“True... Aiya I almost got swallowed by my negative emotions again. Do you think I should find a time to seal away these emotions and memories together?”
Being told off by Big Sis Bai like this, I gradually recovered.
Sure enough, when problems occurred in one's own heart, others still couldn't truly wake a person up.
Only by figuring it out oneself would it work.
And what did I figure out?
If you can't even play to your heart's content, can't sleep soundly, and can't devote yourself wholeheartedly to doing things, isn't such a life a total failure?
The most primitive thought in my heart wouldn't acknowledge such a failed life, so I would once again find the courage to refute myself.
Humans were such wonderful existences.
“Sealing? I think not. It's better not to suppress those very negative things. During the time you used the memory sealing spell on yourself, I also learned about the Self-Sealing Spell.”
“Learned about it? How come I didn't know? Big Sis Bai, you did that secretly?”
I asked curiously, “So what conclusion did you come to?”
“The main purpose of the self-memory sealing spell isn't to escape, but to better deal with things. It just slightly allows inconvenient memories and emotions to appear at a time you are prepared for, under the interference of external forces—which is the moment you are ready to accept your imperfect self.”
“Since Big Sis Bai has done so much homework, then I’ll just have to listen to you.”
After picking myself up again, I also gradually began to reveal the thoughts in my heart.
“Big Sis Bai... it's really boring here... I really want to do something more interesting.”
“Something more interesting? Has Xiao Han thought about what you want to do?”
“Not really... If I had, I wouldn't be wandering around here. Whether it's coming out to play or watching the Newcomer Competition, they're all my excuses. I just want to do something, and only then do I realize it isn't what I expected...”
“Aiya... that’s a bit troublesome.”
Although Big Sis Bai was somewhat delighted that Xiao Han was willing to express her thoughts so directly, this inner thought was yet another predicament without an answer.
“Yeah it is troublesome, isn't it? But Big Sis Bai actually didn't use this topic to talk about some lewd things with me. I thought you would invite me to explore some new ways of playing on the bed.”
“Oh? Really? Is that what Xiao Han was thinking?”
“No no no! I was just teasing you, don't take it seriously! Tonight isn't a scheduled day, no suggestive things allowed!”
“Alright.”
Big Sis Bai said "alright" in a compromising way, her tone laced with a hint of regret, “Then let's ask you in a different way. Xiao Han, do you think the school is boring?”
“Boring! It's really uninteresting. Not only is the reality made foul by a group of guys, but the Academy Network is also full of brainless and uninteresting people.”
“Oh such extreme remarks. I remember around this time last year, you still held a strong yearning for the Witch Academy, didn't you?”
“Maybe that's just a case of the greater the hope, the greater the disappointment?”
I shrugged and said.
I had been coerced through this year.
It seemed fulfilling, but it was just a case of fighting against the so-called ethereal and distant destiny based on my own wishful thinking.
Back then, what was I yearning for, and what was I expecting?
The joy and happiness of becoming a girl?
Or watching those who became girls like me become fallen under the shift of concepts and thus accept reality?
But with the opening of a new batch, I had even missed such a grand occasion, so... what exactly suppressed my original intention of seeking fun?
Was it responsibility, or concepts, or perhaps some kind of cognitive shackle?
Or... did I simply not know what I wanted?
“Then... how about going off-campus?”
Big Sis Bai suggested again, “It seems I haven't had a good look at the Main World with Xiao Han yet, have I? It was like that with that small world before, and it was also like that in the Expansion Realm. When you went to see those worlds, I wasn't by your side.”
“This... isn't quite right, either. The current situation in the Main World isn't great, right? I don't want to cause trouble yet... those other transcendent academies are trying every way to kill me right now.”
“That is true as well...”
Big Sis Bai also nodded, agreeing with my statement.
Since that final exam hunt, enough people wanted to kill me to prove their determination to kill me.
“Since there's no way around it either way, then don't try to find a way. Rather than wasting time on thinking of a way, wouldn't it be better to gradually eliminate the things you don't want?”
Big Sis Bai grabbed my wrist and pulled me, preparing to leave.
“Eh? What do you mean?”
I was caught a bit off guard by Big Sis Bai's move.
“Go and experience things. Just like you told me before, life is about constant experiences. Go experience things you've never experienced before, or things you've already experienced but didn't care about.”
“Take food and drink as an example. You always use the Five Senses Body Cultivation as an excuse to experience delicious food and snacks, but you've never experienced them from another perspective—which is your feeling. Do you like them? I remember you said you like drinking coffee, specifically black coffee, but do you truly like coffee? Is it the bitterness you like? Who is naturally born to like bitter things?”
“Do you know how many milk tea shops there are in the Witch Academy? Do you know how many flavors milk tea shops have? Can you say in one breath what you like to drink? No... you can't. You don't have your own preferences. You're like a heartless passerby. Your so-called experience is just a traceless browsing, and a numb stimulation. It's an objective sensation, not your subjective experience.”
“This...”
For a moment, I was a bit speechless.
This time... I was lectured by Big Sis Bai again... but I didn't hate it.
“Don't hesitate like this. Since you don't like coming here, then what's there to be reluctant about leaving?”
Just as Big Sis Bai said, sometimes making a decision doesn't require giving oneself a rational explanation.
Just following your heart is enough.
If staying in one place feels boring or uninteresting, then go to another place.
Even if this place has a lively atmosphere.
Even if the next place is even more boring.
But the anticipation before going to the next place is far more precious than the experience after arriving.
“Eh? That... is Xiao Han, right?”
Among the crowd at the Newcomer Competition grounds, Ying Shiqian of the Bakery Club pointed at a figure in the air.
“Did she leave? What was so urgent?”
“What a pity... we haven't even happened upon Xiao Han, and she's already run off?”
“Let's go, let's go Xiao Han must have other important things to do since she left. I saw Tan Han's figure over there just now, let's go find Little Tan to play.”
The lively Newcomer Competition wouldn't end because of the departure of one or two people, and everyone would constantly search for new fun for themselves.
And I also followed Big Sis Bai through the sparsely populated streets of the Witch Academy.
Big Sis Bai asked me why I thought I liked drinking black coffee... I didn't know, but my subconscious knew.
Because no one likes drinking something so bitter, so I would like it.
This way of thinking seemed carved into my instincts.
Most boys wouldn't accept gender-bending into girls, so I wanted to experience it.
No one would waste time comforting those boys whose genders were changed because they entered the Witch Academy, but I felt that doing so was very interesting...
But when I realized that the seniors of the Witch Academy all liked turning boys into girls of the Witch Academy, I instead gradually grew distant from this interest...
I suddenly found that this behavior of mine was really strange... this chasing of things that others don't yearn for.
Just like now... the most popular ladder arena and the Newcomer Competition in the Witch Academy were happening, but I found that I stayed away from these things and was on a commercial street with few people, by a milk tea shop with no one around, ordering a cup of milk tea with a flavor that was about to be taken off the shelves.
But I drank it exceptionally happily.
The strange taste plus a hint of strange sweetness was truly a very novel flavor.
“Store Manager lady, what's the name of this milk tea?”
I shook the cup of milk tea in my hand and asked.
“It's called Colorful Fresh Fruit Juice-Burst Milk Tea. You aren't going to return it because you think it tastes bad, are you, junior?”
“It’s okay I was just asking the name. I think it tastes good. Is it really going to be taken off the shelves?”
I asked with some regret.
Although adding fresh fruit to milk tea was truly a heterodox and bizarre combination... unexpectedly, I actually liked drinking it.
“Ah? There really is someone who thinks... cough... that... I mean, because sales aren't ideal, taking it off the shelves is indeed a helpless move. How about I give you the ingredients list? If you truly like drinking it, you can also make it yourself, you know?”
“Really? Thank you, senior.”
After getting the recipe, Big Sis Bai also accompanied me as we left.
“Does Xiao Han really like this flavor? It's quite unexpected. You actually like this type, Xiao Han?”
“No... I just think this taste is very special... maybe this truly is just a failed product...”
I looked at the ingredients list.
The ingredients on it were truly wild and bold, “But when no one else likes it, I feel that my liking... has endowed it with a more special value... just like... black coffee.”
