Free Web NovelChapter 1162: Chapter 356: Persistence, Past, Future
Chapter 356: Persistence, Past, Future
All these years, the two of them had their own lives and their own goals to strive for. But secretly, they both had the aim of uncovering the mastermind of those past events and avenging him, who is now Li Yan’s boss.
One in the light, one in the dark. Although Li Yan was familiar with everyone from the third to the ninth in command and had even met the young tenth, he had never seen the second, and the boss remained a mystery. He existed as someone unrelated, unattached but unsuspecting. Through his own methods of investigation, he would pass any findings to Li Yan.
"Now you have a wife, a lover, a career, and a status. Your future is promising, surrounded by love on both sides, and this has made you lose the heart for revenge!"
What he said left Li Yan unable to refute it. After a moment of silence, he sighed, "You’re right... Maybe I’ve indulged myself."
In the past few years, his professional life had reached its peak. But after all, the assassin industry is different from most other industries that aim for growth and greater achievements.
Others earn a million and strive for ten million, earn ten million and strive for a hundred million; even billionaires continue to work hard. But what about assassins? Killing a hundred people, aiming to kill a thousand? Killing a thousand and working towards ten thousand?
Moreover, like celebrities, assassins live on the competitive edge of their youth. As they age, their skills decline and risks increase. Generally, they earn money while young, and after a period of extravagance, they start saving, planning to retire once they’ve saved enough. At a higher level, they might buy an island or a farm abroad to enjoy life; others might start a business, invest, or travel the world; even at the lower end, one can live a modest life among ordinary people.
During his vacation a couple of years ago, Li Yan began shifting his focus from saving money to adjusting his body and mind—including examining the Heart Demon and integrating into the ordinary life. At that time, though he never calculated his total savings, he guessed it was enough for him and Yue Yao to live a prosperous life.
Moreover, if a real conflict were to break out, Zheng Yixuan and Guan Ziyi would most likely side with the boss, and falling out with these brothers who had always helped each other sincerely wasn’t something he wanted to see.
"You haven’t indulged; you’re a beneficiary!" he said coldly.
Among the few hundred people back then, Li Yan was the only survivor. He received second-phase training and ultimately became a top assassin, accumulating wealth that belonged to him. It’s the same idea as Zheng Yixuan’s: without the boss, they wouldn’t be who they are today.
"I suppose so. My feelings towards him are complicated. If we talk about revenge, should we also talk about gratitude? Without him sending me for training, with my original life trajectory, I’d just go to university, find a job, save up for marriage, and worry about buying a house... Could I have today’s savings? Energized body and skills? Ha! In today’s world, succeeding is a battlefield everywhere, breaking your brain to get ahead! To get into a good university after the college entrance exam, you have to PK with many; after graduation, finding a good job means more PK! Seeking promotion, wanting better performance... all these require knocking out dozens, hundreds. It’s just that people don’t die directly."
Li Yan overlooks the layer of Zhang Tianyi because he hasn’t inherited the Zhang Family’s wealth.
"Hmph! That’s only because you survived! Your original life trajectory wouldn’t have made you face death so many times, would it? What about those who died? Your current enjoyment is built on the lives of hundreds!" he insisted.
Li Yan could understand his agitation. He must have endured unimaginable hardships to survive back then, while now in his career peak, confidence swelling, Li Yan had already gone through it.
"So what?"
Li Yan asked, watching him seemingly confused, asked again, "So—what—if? Should I be responsible for their lives? Seek revenge for them? Execute justice by killing ’him’? And then? Should I also slit my throat to atone?"
This series of questions left him speechless. His strong desire for revenge was always there, but for what or for whom was vague or never seriously considered.
"I’m not a messenger of justice! I have no obligation to avenge others! If it’s because I survived and some died by my hand and I’m responsible for their lives, there are many more people! I can’t even remember how many assignments I’ve executed, how many I’ve killed. Who should they seek revenge from?" Li Yan chuckled bitterly, "These years, besides dating, I’ve read many books and even tried meditation and Zen..."
This was understandable to him. Being more full of killing intent, he’d use similar methods to calm himself in moments of agitation, without achieving any profound Zen stillness—just a way to find peace.
"Sometimes I wonder, when we both survived, had we all gained considerable benefits in some way. Those who died are the ones who should seek vengeance. Did we decide to take revenge to retaliate, or to put our minds at ease?"
This question was one Li Yan posed to himself as well as to him. He proceeded to offer his answer, "I found out... that I might just do it to ease my own conscience! You’re right; others died, I survived, I’m a beneficiary. Originally, fate was the same for everyone, I risked my life many times, but in the end, only I reaped the rewards, leaving me with a heavier conscience, especially towards those who at least died or were injured by my hand.
So we turned our attention to ’him’; ’he’ was the mastermind behind the entire event, so ’he’ should bear the greatest responsibility. In this way, I would just be a chess piece in the game, a slightly luckier victim, thus making peace with myself, owing nothing to anyone."
He drank a sip of tea, his face solemn, saying nothing, but more at ease than before.
"After all these years, I’ve truly indulged. To put it positively, I’ve come to terms with life and death; negatively, I’ve killed too much, becoming cold and numb. I’m still on the opposite side with ’him,’ but no longer just because of my past experiences, I want out. I’m tired, I want to live a normal life, but he may not let me retire easily, so we can’t coexist."
To him, Li Yan had no need to hide anything; he was completely honest.
But these words struck him with even greater shock!
Li Yan had looked past the past, working towards the Future! Whereas he was still fixated on the past, never considering the Future!
Even though he’d skirted death repeatedly in the training camp, that last time, when he was severely injured by Li Yan’s gunshot and feigned death to escape, left an indelible pain. Unlike Li Yan, who experienced second-phase training and began an assassin career, he spent a long time in hiding and healing after escaping. The gunshot wound that almost killed him took a long time to fully recover, followed by retraining his body.
During those days, every ache, every scar reminded him of the inhuman days he’d endured, fanning the flames of hatred in his heart. Of course, he didn’t blame the gunshot on Li Yan, even though Li Yan pulled the trigger—it was part of their plan. On the contrary, having survived, his biggest hope was for Li Yan to survive inside as well! Because once he passed that hurdle, it would be safe afterwards, whereas Li Yan, touching base with the training camp, still had to face life-and-death trials.
Different experiences shaped one who locked those years away in memory, avoiding reminiscing; whereas for the other, it was a constant reminder. So after reuniting, his hatred and desire for revenge on the mastermind were very deep. Even in recent years, having become a top-tier assassin, gaining a reputation and amassing wealth, he couldn’t extinguish his hatred—his money couldn’t openly be spent by his family, having no explanation for its source. He didn’t even dare to visit his parents, only pretending to be working outside, periodically sending a little money home, just like Li Yan used to.
This obsession with revenge meant that everything he did now was just preparation for revenge. Money and experience were aimed at helping the decisive battle against the mastermind. Without eliminating this great enemy, he’d never considered his Future.
Now, hearing Li Yan’s words, it seemed he had already let go. Regardless of who was being avenged, the past was past—just part of the experience, not to be an overwhelming burden. Li Yan already had a vision of his Future; but what about him?
What would his Future be like?
"I’m leaving then..." He stood up, dazed, then leapt off the balcony below!
With long-held persistence, striving towards goals, suddenly realizing it was just an obsession, its meaning not as significant as imagined and shedding it without incurring huge costs; this was a shock to anyone!
Li Yan stood up too, initially wanting to call him back, but ultimately said nothing.
From his recent demeanor, Li Yan guessed he had understood something, though perhaps not ready to give up revenge, yet he might rethink what he truly wanted. Perhaps, by next meeting, he’d have a clearer perspective.
Of course, irrespective of changes in their beliefs, he remained a life-and-death friendship friend, still his ally. As for the complicated emotions towards the boss, the outcome depended on future negotiations. If he wasn’t granted retirement freedom, conflict would be inevitable....
"Did he leave?" After a while, Yue Yao appeared behind him.
"He’s gone..." Li Yan didn’t say much to her because it involved past experiences he wasn’t willing to discuss, "Stay with me for a while..."
Yue Yao didn’t ask any questions. (To be continued, to know what happens next, please log in to www.qidian.com, see more Chapters, support the author, support legitimate reading!)
