Free Web NovelChapter 68: A Complicated Emotion (1)
Kestrel found herself growing more and more impatient with these fancy parties, even though she had been to many before.
Impatience—it was a new feeling for her.
As she thought about this, Kestrel felt a bit relieved. She had been feeling a lot of new emotions lately. But she was also confused, not sure if this made her more ’normal’ or ’weird’.
"Such things are the job of a beta," everyone said—doing one or two assigned chores each week, going to all sorts of Empire events and activities, joining in at fancy parties and meetings. This was what every normal beta had to do.
Ever since she was a kid, people around her believed this, so Kestrel always thought this was what she should do.
A beta is a soldier who serves the nation. Brought up in the Tower from a young age, they grow up enjoying the generous gifts given by the Empire, and naturally have duties to carry out.
But, ever since Kestrel came back from her time at the outpost, things she used to take for granted now felt strange, and she was impatient with everything.
"You’ve gone wild from being away, and now you can’t control your wild heart anymore," her friend, Priscilla, told Kestrel.
"I can’t just pull my heart back in, I really didn’t want to come back," Kestrel whispered.
Kestrel stood on a stone bridge in the yard, absentmindedly watching a bunch of fish swim in the water.
At the party hosted by the Minister of Military Affairs, there was a ton of yummy food and great wine. The people there were either nobles or young folks on the rise, making it a place many wanted to be.
But Kestrel didn’t want to come. Her tendrils had been unhappy for a while because they hated the dark and filthy feelings everywhere here—feelings they didn’t even want to touch.
If she hadn’t gotten an invitation she couldn’t turn down, Kestrel wouldn’t have come at all.
She had made up her mind that the next time she was sent somewhere else, she would stay away as long as she could, and avoid coming back if possible.
Kestrel began to complain about the boring routines, wanting to get her next task as soon as possible.
"So, this time the invite came from Tarian, using the Riker family’s name?" Priscilla asked her.
Tarian’s aunt Malenia Riker was the host of this party and the Empire’s Minister of Military Affairs.
The Riker family was an old noble household, at the heart of the Empire’s power for many years. Malenia was the most powerful person in the current Riker family. freewebnovёl.ƈom
"What does he still want from you? Isn’t he happy with the trouble he’s caused? You’ve already broken off your engagement," Priscilla said angrily.
"I just saw him," Kestrel said, "He wants me to keep grooming him."
Priscilla was furious.
"How dare he?" She tried to lower her voice, trying to keep her own anger in check, "How could he be so bold to say something like that?"
Priscilla couldn’t believe it. After his cheating and disloyalty, after causing so many problems for his former fiancée, that jerk from the Riker family had the nerve to ask Kestrel for this.
"He has the guts to come to you?" Priscilla clenched her teeth, "That shameless jerk, if he needs grooming, why doesn’t he go to his new mate?"
"He said the new girl’s grooming was too gentle and couldn’t fully ease his super-sense burden," Kestrel shrugged.
She couldn’t figure out Tarian’s thoughts—when he was with her, he complained that Kestrel’s grooming was too rough. So, he snuck off and found someone new, but now he said the new girl was too soft.
Kestrel didn’t let this bother her. After her time at the outpost, her world had become a lot bigger and she’d almost forgotten her old worries.
Seeing Tarian earlier, looking so down and unhappy, Kestrel thought he was living a less satisfying life than her own after they broke up.
"He told me that betas and alphas are like doctors and patients. Even though we’ve broken off our engagement, I can still help him," Kestrel said, thinking aloud, "I think what he said kind of makes sense."
"You didn’t agree to help, did you?" Priscilla was fuming.
"Of course not," Kestrel answered. "Whether it makes sense or not, I don’t have to be reasonable. I don’t like him, so why would I agree?"
Priscilla laughed, looking at Kestrel, "You can be annoyed too? You used to be so calm."
"Kestrel, you’ve changed a bit since you were away for those few months," she said as she reached out to smooth some of Kestrel’s hair, "You seem more human than before. That’s a good thing."
"Really?" Kestrel felt somewhat happy.
It was when Kestrel was leaving that she noticed the ’fish.’
Her tendrils suddenly perked up, eagerly pulling her towards a shadowy corner. They were so worked up, making so much noise, that Kestrel didn’t immediately understand their feelings—not until she saw the person cornered by a bunch of jerks.
Kestrel had fought alongside Ren, and knew how fierce he could be in battle—no amount of mutants could stand against him. On the battlefield, everyone looked at him with respect meant for the powerful.
But now, at this lavish party, the strong Ren couldn’t push away a few drunk bullies.
Kestrel saw him leaning against the wall, looking shaky. He weakly raised his arm, pushing away the reaching hands and softly muttered "go away"— his voice was so rough and quiet it drew a round of laughter from the men.
Ever since Kestrel met Ren, she noticed he always ended up hurt. So, she guessed Ren might have a tendency to hurt himself, often getting injured.
But no matter the situation, whether he was barely alive and being tortured on the gallows or trapped in a demon’s den with broken legs, Ren never seemed to show any mental weakness.
Even when he was wrongly jailed, he planned his revenge calmly; when chased by thousands of mutants, he told Kestrel firmly, "Don’t worry, I’ll get out soon after you."
Tonight was the first time Kestrel had seen him look so fragile.
In that corner filled with the smell of alcohol and incense, in his bright clothes, with the buttons of his shirt ripped open, he looked out of place. There was no blood, no wounds, but he looked sad, struggling hopelessly with despair in his reddened eyes.
Kestrel pushed past the people around Ren and said, "Back off, he’s with me."
Someone complained, "Hey, what are you doing!" But quickly, they seemed confused and stood still. It wasn’t until Kestrel helped Ren and led him away that the pleasure-seeking men snapped back to reality.
"What were we doing here?"
"I think there was a good-looking guy."
But when they tried to remember, the guy didn’t seem all that handsome, as they couldn’t even remember his face. This wasn’t strange given their minds were clouded by alcohol and drugs. They stumbled away, each feeling like their brain was cloudy, pounding with pain, and unable to think clearly.
The next day, even when completely sober, they wouldn’t remember this minor incident, or the face of the guy they cornered.
Kestrel helped Ren as they walked on. He leaned heavier on her as he became unable to walk by himself.
"Hold on a bit longer," Kestrel said.
Ren’s gaze started to waver, and his breath was scarily hot.
Kestrel found the closest empty room and pushed the door open.
In this addition, nearly all the rooms had dim lights and soft beds. The closets held various incenses, potions, and strange tools. This was the host’s "kindness." No matter how grand and polite they were during the day, their true taste and self was weirdly shown under the wild night.
The minister catered to the party-loving guests with the utmost thought and care. Each room and corner was equipped with easy-to-reach pleasure tools, ensuring that all real guests would enjoy a fun and intoxicating night.
Ren fell onto the soft bed in the room. He pulled open the bedside drawer with shaking hands. With a loud noise, the drawer fell and its contents spread on the floor. After a few tries, Ren managed to pick up a pair of handcuffs from the scary pile of toys, and with a click, he locked his wrist to the iron foot of the bed.
