Free Web NovelChapter 50: Brooding mare
Raven
A week passed faster than I expected.
Everything was well and the pack had no more attacks from rogue wolves. We did notice that the food rations got smaller, portions slightly reduced and more carefully distributed, but they were still constant, still enough to keep everyone going.
Rex surprisingly didn’t show his face all that much and was usually off hunting for the pack with other hunters and alphas and I felt relieved. It was nice to not have to think about him or anything related to him, to not have to brace myself every time I stepped outside.
That peace lasted until one day when Gessia called me to the alpha’s building and her lab.
The alphas were away, the building quieter than usual, and she simply told me that she wanted to run some tests which I allowed her to run without question, standing still as she moved around me.
My eyes wandered instead, staring at all the potion bottles on the table and wondering how she could turn water into so many different colors, from red to green, some glowing faintly under the dim light.
"You’re pregnant! As expected," she said the moment she was done with the tests, her voice calm, almost indifferent, and it was all I could do as I slowly nodded my head, wrapping my hands around my waist as I fixed my eyes on her while she continued to talk like it was nothing.
’You still have at least six cycles of the month Raven! There’s still time,’ I told myself, clinging to that thought, only to hear her continue, saying words that almost made my breath freeze in my lungs as I stood there listening.
"Unlike before, I’ve decided to extract it after a month. It should already have what I need," she said, as if discussing something simple, as I fixed my eyes on her wide-eyed and tried to nod my head even with how stiff my whole body felt, my fingers tightening slightly against my waist.
"It would be painful but I’ll give you something for the pain. It would also prevent you from getting attached. Also, you’ll be able to get pregnant again much quicker!" She continued speaking like it was a good thing.
Turning her head back to the bottles in front of her as she sat by the table, picking one up and examining it, while I stood beside her unmoving.
Tears flooded my head, burning at the back of my eyes, but I forced myself to hold them back, grounding myself as best as I could, aware that they would only make me look stupid. Gessia didn’t care. She wouldn’t care. Slowly, I lowered my head to the ground, staring at the floor beneath my feet.
"You can leave!" She told me, gesturing and waving me away with her hands without even looking at me, "I’ll order Yoria in charge of the kitchens to give you an extra portion just in case," she added casually.
I kept my eyes on the floor and continued to nod, even though she wasn’t looking.
Turning around to leave, I held all the emotions I felt inside of me, pushing them down without letting even the slightest bit out. But I had just gotten to the door when I stopped, my hand hovering near it as I spoke, needing to say it before I left.
"Can you... can you keep Rex away from me in the meantime?" I asked her, my voice quieter than I expected, watching her head jerk up to look at me with a hint of surprise on her face. Even then, I could tell that she wasn’t really looking at me, she was just surprised that I spoke at all.
"I mean mating..." I added quickly, gripping the sides of my skirt so hard that any harder and I would have ripped them, as I fixed my eyes on her, waiting. She nodded after a second, simple and dismissive, and that was enough.
With tears already gathering in my eyes, I turned and left the room, shutting the door behind me.
Heading straight to my sleeping place, I felt anger begin to bubble up inside of me, hot and sharp, but there was nothing I could do about it. Running for even an hour was enough for me to faint. I was weak, and now I had turned into a brooding mare.
To be mated with and used... animals were treated better than me, and it left not only a bitter taste in my mouth but a hollow feeling in my chest that wouldn’t go away.
I had no idea when I had fallen to my knees on the floor, my body giving in without warning, as I began to gasp for air. My fingers moved to my throat, holding onto it as tears flooded my eyes, my breathing uneven and shaky.
It made me hate myself... I hated myself for being weak and even more for being powerless to do nothing about it. My vision was blurry, the edges darkening slightly, and I could still hear myself gasping when I heard voices.
Familiar voices. Loel and Xarna. freēwebnovel.com
I was helped to my feet, arms wrapping around me as they lifted me up, and dragged along, and I didn’t even care where they were taking me as I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and fixed my eyes on the ground.
I was pushed to sit down on the floor, the grass cool beneath me, hearing voices around me but not really listening, as I simply fell back, my body giving in again.
Realizing faintly that we were in the forest, surrounded by trees and the quiet rustling of leaves, but still I didn’t care. My vision was clear enough to see Loel and Xarna with concerned expressions on their faces as they stared at me.
It made me smile, a small, weak smile, yet it only made the hollow space in my chest feel wider, emptier.
A bit harder to breathe as I wondered what their reactions would be when they found out what I had done to their families. Who was responsible for their grief? Of course, they wouldn’t look at me with such expressions then.
Their love, although genuine, was fake.
As I smiled at them, their concern only deepened.
"Are you okay? You look... you look..." Loel said, struggling to find the words, her brows furrowed, her hands hovering like she didn’t know where to touch.
"Sad! Very sad!" Xarna said instead, not hesitating, as she fixed her big brown eyes on me. "You went to the alpha’s building right? You went to see Gessia?" She asked, smart enough to figure it out since the alphas were not around, as she continued speaking without waiting for an answer.
"From the look in your eyes one would think that she told you that you were dying," she said, and she didn’t even know how close to the truth she was.
Was dying not better?
But who was I to take a life I didn’t create... my life.
Something Gessia and the alphas were willing to do.
I hated them.
I felt tears flood my eyes again before pushing myself into a sitting position, forcing my body upright as I met their gaze.
"I’m okay!" I said, wiping my eyes quickly, my voice hoarse to my ears, rough and strained, "I just... I just miss my parents and brother. They are dead!" I said, the lie coming easily.
Instantly, Loel hugged me, her arms wrapping tightly around me, and I hugged her back, feeling the tears flood my eyes again, but I knew that crying would only make me tired and nothing more.
So instead, I held onto her and smiled.
I needed to smile.
I needed to smile while I figured out a way to escape this.
Surely one of those potions I had seen on Gessia’s table could give someone more strength and stamina, something enough to help me run, to help me survive.
A soft smile spread across my face as I buried my head in Loel’s bosom, breathing in slowly, realizing at that moment just how I was going to get the strength I needed.
I wasn’t going to steal it, she was going to give it to me.
