Free Web NovelChapter 394: I need you to be entirely honest with me
The thoughts suddenly made something twist inside him. That feeling of wanting to be useful, wanting to help... Not wanting to just be there on the sidelines... began to creep into his heart and he pursed his lips.
Just what am I thinking about right now?
He asked himself and decided to forget it. He turned on his heels, heading back to his own study. If Alaric was not letting him in on the preparations he was making then that meant he didn’t want him to know.
But what if Alaric was trying to exempt him so he doesn’t feel overwhelmed with responsibilities as his partner? He slowed his steps again and turned, once again thinking of heading to Alaric’s study.
He wanted to know. He did not just want to assume and be weighed down by negative thoughts. He had grown stronger than that to know that assumptions in a relationship only brought about misunderstandings.
Julian’s hand hovered inches from the heavy oak handle of Alaric’s study door. He let out a slow, steadying breath, feeling the cool brass through his fingertips.
If he wanted to build a true, unyielding relationship with the Grand Duke of the North, it had to start with complete transparency.
He didn’t knock. Instead, he pushed the door open with a quiet, decisive click and stepped inside.
Alaric was sitting behind his massive desk, deeply buried under a chaotic mountain of structural blueprints and signed trade agreements.
The moment the door opened, the Duke’s sharp blue eyes snapped up, a fierce, protective tension instantly hardening his features—until he realized it was Julian.
In a split second, the heavy, imposing aura of the Duke completely dissolved, replaced by a soft, immediate warmth.
"Julian," Alaric rumbled, his deep voice carrying a trace of relief as he leaned back in his leather chair.
He instinctively threw a blank piece of parchment over a small, velvet-lined jewelry ledger on the corner of his desk, coughing softly into his fist. "Is everything alright? I thought you were still finishing the lesson designs for the coming month."
Julian didn’t miss the subtle, clumsy movement to hide the ledger, but instead of letting a dark, negative twist form in his gut, he simply closed the doors behind him and walked straight toward the desk.
His expression was serious, his vibrant blue eyes carrying a grounded, intense focus.
"The lessons are perfectly structured, Lucien," Julian said softly, stopping right across from the Duke and leaning his hands against the edge of the dark wood. He didn’t want to use his title, nor did he want to dance around the issue. "I came here because I need to ask you something. And I need you to be entirely honest with me."
Alaric’s brow furrowed, his massive frame shifting uncomfortably as his protective instincts flared. He looked up at his lover, tracking the slight tension in Julian’s jaw. "What is it? Did the capital guards bother you? Did Aurelian say something before I managed to corner him?"
"No, it has nothing to do with the capital guards or the Emperor," Julian clarified, his voice entirely steady. He took a deep breath, laying his thoughts out clearly, exactly as a partner should.
"I have noticed the servants carrying out secret preparations all over the estate. I see the hidden crates, the hushed conversations, and the way everyone quickly scrambles to hide things the moment I walk into a room. I notice the way you whisper to the butler and then change the subject when I enter the roam. I decided to trust you to tell me at your own behest so I never asked but it had gone on for a week and I..." his voice slightly faltered. "I have begun to grow anxious. Lucien, you are planning something massive, and you are deliberately keeping me entirely in the dark. Is this thing worth making me anxious?"
Alaric opened his mouth to offer a quick, defensive excuse about standard winter security maintenance, but Julian held up a single, pale hand to silence him.
"Please, just listen," Julian requested, his throat tightening slightly as he forced himself to voice the vulnerability he had been fighting on the stairs. "I know I came to this estate under the title of a tutor and I am a scholar. But I am your lover right now, and I do not intend to just remain a bystander in your life, Lucien. I want to take on responsibilities. I want to manage the estate records, help with the provincial trade, and carry the weight of this Duchy right alongside you. If you are exempting me from these preparations just to protect me from being overwhelmed... please don’t. I am a man, and I am your partner. I want to be useful to you, not just someone you shield from the world."
The heavy silence that followed was dense, the ambient crackle of the fireplace the only sound bridging the gap between them.
Alaric stared at Julian, his blue eyes wide with a mixture of profound surprise and a sudden, fierce wave of absolute devotion.
He looked at the determined, beautifully fierce look on his scholar’s face, realizing that his own desperate attempts to keep the surprise engagement a secret had accidentally made Julian feel like he was being excluded from the duties of the estate.
A low, rough sigh escaped the Duke’s chest. He pushed his chair back, standing up to his full, towering height, and walked around the massive desk until he was standing directly in front of Julian.
He didn’t hesitate; he reached out, his large, calloused hands gently cupping Julian’s face, his thumbs lightly tracing the scholar’s cheekbones.
"You think I don’t view you as my equal?" Alaric rumbled, his voice incredibly deep, vibrating with an absolute, undeniable intensity. "Julian, look at me."
Julian looked up, his blue eyes locking onto the Duke’s fierce gaze.
"Ever since my confession, I have never once looked at you and seen a mere tutor, nor do I ever want to turn you into a porcelain doll that just sits in the parlor," Alaric whispered, his forehead leaning down to rest against Julian’s, his breath warm against his skin.
He began to feel a heavy weight in his chest as Julian’s words replayed in his head.
"The thought of you taking over the administrative ledgers and ruling this estate by my side is the only future I even care to fight for. The only reason—the only reason—you are being kept out of these specific preparations has absolutely nothing to do with your capabilities."
Alaric let out a small, self-deprecating huff of laughter, his hands sliding down to wrap around Julian’s waist, pulling him flush against his chest.
He wanted to keep it hidden. He wanted it to come out of nowhere and knock his lover out of his feet but a little hint was what he needed to give now. This little hint would save Julian from any doubt and anxiety.
"I am hiding it because it’s a surprise for you," the Duke finally confessed, his jaw twitching slightly with a rare touch of sheepishness. "The entire estate is working in secret because if you found out what I was building for us for tomorrow at dusk, the entire arrangement would be ruined. I’m not shielding you from responsibilities, Julian. I’m just desperately trying to be romantic, and clearly, I am terrible at it."
