Free Web NovelChapter 23: Heart Aches
SOPHIA
"The doctor said that would happen. Do you want some pain medication? I filled all your prescriptions before we left the village." Jace snapped his fingers. "Damn. I left eveything in the carriage. There are pills for your pain, but the other medicines have to be brewed and taken as tonics."
"Just the pills are fine, Jace. I can brew the tonics tomorrow."
"No, no. I’m your husband. I should do that for you."
"Oh. Have you done that for me before?"
Jace stared at me. "What do you mean?"
"You ... uh, made tonics for me. I mean, you took care of me before when I’ve been ill. Right?"
He seemed to consider my words for much longer than necessary. Finally, he said, "Generally the servants do that, but we don’t have any at the moment." He seemed very uncomfortable right now. He frowned. "We’ve only been married for three months, Sophia. Before this accident, you’ve always been very healthy."
I felt disappointed with his response. My understanding was that we had been engaged since we were children. Had he no opportunity to care for me as a fiance might his bride-to-be? Or was that too much to ask of a man who hadn’t wed me yet?
I didn’t know the rules of relationships. But I would like to think that if my fiance had gotten sick, I would find the time to at least bring him comfort, if not nourishing soups or osmanthus cakes. freewēbnoveℓ.com
Wait. Was I also the type of person who left the care of my sick partner to servants?
"Don’t overthink this," said Jace. "I’ll get your pain pills. We’ll worry about the tonics later."
"Yes, of course. Thank you."
Jace lifted my hand and kissed my knuckles.
After he left, I found myself wiping off my hands vigorously. Almost like I didn’t enjoy my husband’s affection.
I couldn’t think about the possibility that I didn’t like Jace. Honestly, I didn’t like this house, either. It was cold and gloomy. Without color or life. Had I really lived here with only servants and Penelope for company?
Why had Jace spent so much time in the Capital? He told me he was a brigadier general. He worked in the military complex, mostly on logistics. He planned the wars. He didn’t participate in them. Still, we were in peace times. How much logistics did a non-warring nation need?
I had a terrible feeling that Jace and I hadn’t gotten along at all. I didn’t remember the marriage. Or the wedding. Or the engagement. Or the courtship. But I felt somehow sure that our lives together hadn’t been exactly pleasant.
And my life before marriage?
I hadn’t a clue.
Jace told me I had parents and two brothers. I didn’t remember them, either.
Would this be my existence now? A blank slate where my life had once been?
The thought was rather depressing, so I decided to distract myself with hunting for sleepwear.
Racks and racks of clothes filled the left side of the dressing room. On the other side were dozens and dozens of ornate shoes.
The dresses were made from expensive fabrics adorned with bows and lace and jewels. In the very back were varying sizes of hoops, contraptions meant to fit under the skirts of the elaborate garments.
Was this how I presented myself on a regular basis?
The women I had seen in the village wore simple frocks. Cotton fabric dotted with flowers, or some striped and dotted with colors. They wore plain white bonnets, hair neatly braided or rolled into simple buns.
I studied the wigs lined up on two shelves. Black hair. Blonde hair. Brown hair. Red hair. Filled with large gold hair pins and bejeweled combs. Some even sported colorful ribbons and lace bows.
I couldn’t imagine wanting to wear such outrageous headwear.
What kind of societal expectations came with nobility? I had no title, but the military garnered respect all its own. Jace had told me my family were scholars, and that they served the Imperial Court. I supposed that had its own cache.
I couldn’t imagine trapping myself inside one of these terrible dresses, plopping on a weighty and ugly wig, and wearing shoes with ankle-breaking high heels. Not to mention all the big, gaudy jewelry displayed in boxes on a shelf above all the ridiculous wigs. I found a stack of corsets, too.
Was this a dressing room or a torture chamber?
How long did it take to stuff me inside a hoop and a corset and a heavy brocade dress and a wig? Hours, I suspected.
If Jace expected me to dress like this to attend functions with him, he would be disappointed. Obviously, I had worn these garments because I had so many of them. Had I felt miserable? Or had I envisioned myself as well-styled and pretty?
I didn’t care what I was like before, the me now would not wear any of these things. Although it didn’t appear that I didn’t have many other choices.
Oh, sweet baby goddess. Had I actually gone around the house in these awful things? Why? Why would I torment myself?
I sighed as headed toward a large dresser. The drawers held undergarments, mostly white bloomers and camisoles. In the bottom drawer I finally found a dark blue silk nightgown and matching robe. I grabbed it and a pair of simple underwear and headed back to the bathroom.
My head still throbbed. I hoped a steam bath might alleviate some of the pain.
Jace still hadn’t returned by the time the bath water was ready. I added rose petals, a silky purple substance that smelled wonderful, and even some little orbs that fizzed and bubbled when put into the water.
I discarded my clothing and sank into the hot water.
Floral scents filled my nose as the steam helped lessen the tightness squeezing my temples. I slid further into the water.
Rose petals spun like little red boats on a midnight lake.
"Sophia?"
Jace’s voice filtered through the bathroom door, and then it opened. My husband strode through holding a small ceramic bottle. "I found the..." He trailed off, his gaze locked on my shoulders. "You ... uh ..." He took a deep breath then he pinned his gaze on mine. "Shall I join you, wife?"
