Free Web NovelChapter 9: Fucking great
Stefan’s POV
I thought about getting up. I thought about it for exactly half a second.
Then Jonquil’s mouth wrapped around me again, and the thought disappeared completely.
But before I could close my eyes...
DING!
A blue screen snapped into my vision so sharply it physically jolted me, my whole body locking up mid-motion.
[HIDDEN MILESTONE ACHIEVED.]
[Jonquil has experienced her First Pleasure Awakening.]
I sat frozen on her chest, staring at the words floating in the air like they might rearrange themselves into something less confusing if I just stared long enough. "...Pleasure awakening?"
The old mission interface dissolved completely, replaced by something I hadn’t seen before - a full panel, her name printed across the top like a stat sheet from one of the strategy games I used to kill time with back on Earth.
**JONQUIL**
Status: Recruitment Candidate
- Desire: 80%
- Trust: 5%
- Affection: 3%
- Loyalty: 2%
Recruitment Progress: 20%
I blinked, then read it again to make sure I wasn’t somehow misreading numbers that had no business being this small.
"Twenty percent?" I said it out loud this time, loud enough that I could feel Jonquil shifted slightly in confusion, beneath me.
"After everything we just did, you damned system thinks I’m only twenty percent of the way there?"
Thankfully for me, the System replied me, messages rolling out from the screen slowly, as if to say the system was completely unbothered by my outrage.
[Physical pleasure can awaken desire. However, a true harem member must willingly choose the Host. Desire alone cannot create loyalty. Only candidates who satisfy all recruitment conditions become official members of the Host’s harem.]
I sat there letting that sink in properly. Five hundred women, and apparently getting their bodies to respond was barely a fraction of the actual job.
I’d have to win something a hell of a lot harder to fake than a moan; trust, loyalty, actual affection from women who had been raised to see men as furniture with a pulse.
Winning a body, I already knew how to do. I’d built a career on it. Winning a heart that had never once been offered a reason to soften? That was new territory, even for me.
"This is bullshit," I muttered, dragging both hands down my face. "Complete bullshit."
The mission notification updated before I’d even finished the sentence, like the System had been waiting specifically to interrupt my complaining.
[PRIMARY MISSION UPDATED.]
[Make Jonquil laugh genuinely for the first time.]
[TIME LIMIT: 15:00:00]
[REWARD: ⚠️ LOCKED]
[PENALTY: ⚠️ LOCKED]
I groaned, loud enough that Jonquil actually flinched slightly beside me.
I had made her cum that fast in one sitting but somehow this sound harder.
"Make her laugh. Sure. No problem. Very easy, Master!" A scoff rumbled out of my chest.
I knew it was not going to be easy. I already knew that. I had been on this planet for two days and I had seen a lot to conclude that nothing about this woman screamed "ticklish" or "easily amused."
Before I could even finish spiraling about that, a second notification slid in beside the first, smaller, almost casual about how much chaos it was about to add to my day.
[NEW SIDE MISSION.]
"What now? What else could you possibly-"
[Meet the General for the first time. Objective: leave a memorable first impression. TIME LIMIT: 10:00:00]
[REWARD: ⚠️ LOCKED]
[PENALTY: ⚠️ LOCKED]
I read it once, then again slower, and felt a grin start pulling at the corner of my mouth despite everything else going wrong in my life right now.
"So I don’t have to conquer her yet," I said out loud, mostly to myself, turning the words over like they were the first good news I’d gotten since dying. "I just have to make sure she remembers me."
Now that, I could actually work with. Making women remember me had been my entire profession back on Earth, long before any system or lust god decided to ruin my afterlife. My con-man brain woke up properly for the first time since I’d landed in this dirt, already sketching angles, already building a plan before I’d even seen her face up close.
More notifications kept stacking, one after another.
[RECRUITMENT SYSTEM UNLOCKED.]
[REWARD: +100 ANGUISH POINTS]
[RELATIONSHIP INTERFACE UNLOCKED.]
[BOND SHOP UNLOCKED.]
[NEW RELATIONSHIP MISSIONS AVAILABLE.]
I sat up straighter, something close to genuine excitement cutting through the frustration. Whatever this contract actually was, it had way more moving parts than I’d given it credit for back when I thought "make women cum" was the whole game.
Jonquil had gone quiet. I glanced over my shoulder briefly and caught her watching me with her head tilted, brow drawn tight with confusion.
I’d apparently stopped touching her completely without noticing, eyes locked on empty air for who knew how long from her side of things. She didn’t understand what I was staring at. Couldn’t have. There was nothing there for her to see.
Her fingers drifted up to her own lips without her seeming to register the movement, tracing slowly over skin that still remembered exactly what I’d done with my mouth a few minutes ago.
Her whole body was still humming with it, I could tell - that loose, unguarded look she’d never once worn before today, like something in her had cracked open and she hadn’t decided yet whether to be afraid of that.
She wanted more. I could see it plainly. Not because I’d ordered it. Not because some instinct had told her to. Because she’d genuinely enjoyed herself, probably for the first time in her entire life, and her body wasn’t ready to let that feeling go yet.
"Why did you stop?" she asked, her voice quieter than I’d heard from her so far.
I sighed then turned around fully, dragging a hand down my face. "Apparently my next job is to make you laugh."
She blinked at me, completely lost, the word rolling out of her mouth like something she hadn’t ever heard before; "Laugh?"
"Yeah. Laugh. You know - the thing people do when something’s funny." I pointed out.
She tilted her head further, like I’d just spoken in riddles. "Why would someone make themselves laugh on purpose?"
I almost laughed myself right then, except the irony would’ve been too perfect to enjoy properly. She didn’t even understand the basic concept of humor, let alone have any clue what I’d need to do to actually pull a genuine laugh out of her instead of confusion.
This mission, I realized slowly, sinking feeling settling into my gut, might end up being harder than every single sexual mission I’d completed combined. At least bodies responded to touch whether you understood the touch or not. Laughter needed something deeper. Context, trust, an actual relationship with the idea of joy.
I didn’t even know if this woman had a sense of humor buried in there somewhere, or if her entire species had simply never needed one.
A shout cut through the camp outside, sharp and sudden, slicing clean through my spiraling thoughts.
It was followed almost immediately by a howl, long and distressed, something in the sound clearly not human at all.
Jonquil was on her feet before I’d even fully processed what I’d heard, every trace of softness wiped clean off her face in an instant. I rolled over and sat up from how she had pushed me from her.
I looked up and saw that she was already shifting, fur rippled along her forearms, claws lengthening at her fingertips, her whole body shifting into something ready for violence.
"The enemies are here." She said more to herself. My eyes widened.
"Wait, what enemies? Nobody told me there were-"
She was already moving, already halfway to the entrance, completely deaf to my questions.
At the flap, she paused for just a second but still she didn’t look back. I didn’t know what she had stopped to do and in a blink, she was gone.
The System updated quietly in the corner of my vision, indifferent as always to the chaos breaking out somewhere beyond the tent walls.
[PRIMARY MISSION ACTIVE.]
[SIDE MISSION ACTIVE.]
[COUNTDOWNS INITIATED.]
I sat alone in the bathhouse, naked, exhausted, staring at two timers ticking steadily down while somewhere outside, something was screaming.
"Well," I muttered to the empty tent. "This is fucking great."
