Free Web NovelChapter 301: Chapter 301: The New Mailman — Deadpool
Mornings in Westview were punctual to an almost infuriating degree.
Levi, dressed in a light gray set of loungewear, stood outside watering the roses by the front door.
According to the script, Mailman Dennis should have appeared around the corner on his battered bicycle at exactly eight o’clock.
The street corner was empty.
After last night’s dinner, Dennis had been stuffed into Levi’s Inner Universe and turned into a moon.
The role of mailman had been vacant ever since. Sooner or later, the realism of the dream would start showing cracks.
A replacement was needed.
Levi set down the watering can and extended his consciousness across dimensions, searching through countless parallel universes.
An ordinary extra wouldn’t do. The energy density inside Westview was far too high. A normal person would be reduced to gibberish within half a day.
He needed someone tough enough to survive being kneaded by Chaos Magic over and over again.
In one parallel universe, a man in a red-and-black bodysuit was squatting on a rooftop eating a burrito while muttering jokes about movie rights.
Perfect.
Levi casually reached out with his right hand.
The ground vanished beneath Deadpool’s backside.
He was yanked into a spacetime tunnel before he even had a chance to complain.
When he opened his eyes again, Wade found himself standing on Westview’s unnaturally spotless streets.
His bodysuit was gone.
In its place was a faded blue postal uniform, and his mailbag was stuffed full of newspapers.
"Hey! A second ago I was discussing salary negotiations with that guy who looks like Wolverine—"
He tried turning toward empty space to launch into a fourth-wall-breaking monologue.
He couldn’t move.
At some point, Levi had appeared before him, looking at him the way someone might look at a pet.
The conceptual power of a single-universe-level existence pressed down on Wade’s soul so heavily he could barely breathe.
Here, there was no narrator.
No audience.
Levi patted him on the shoulder.
"There is only work."
The Laws of Alchemy and Mind worked simultaneously, scrubbing every joke, quip, and sarcastic comment out of Wade’s head.
Only one command remained:
Love your job. Remain silent.
Wade’s mouth twitched restlessly.
Finally, he forced out a professional smile and gave a deep bow.
"Good morning, Mr. Anthony. Your newspaper has arrived."
Levi accepted the paper and walked back into the house with satisfaction.
Wade climbed onto a squeaky bicycle and began his first day as a model employee.
---
Levi pushed open the door.
Wanda stood in the center of the living room, clutching a strip of floral wallpaper she had just torn from the wall.
Scarlet light danced across her fingertips as the cozy pattern warped beneath her magic.
"Anthony, you’re back."
Her belly had grown noticeably larger since earlier.
"What’s wrong? Didn’t you pick that wallpaper just last week?"
"I don’t like it anymore."
Wanda frowned.
"It’s too light. Too thin, like paper. Everything in this house makes me uncomfortable. It’s too fragile. It can’t support the baby."
Levi could feel the Rule Singularity within her body pulsing violently.
The unborn child had apparently lost interest in this modest suburban home and was yearning for something more substantial.
"You want a different style?"
"I want this place to be stronger."
Wanda’s eyes glimmered with scarlet sparks.
"It should be like a temple. Something with the weight of eternity."
"No problem."
Levi stood in the center of the room as the laws of his Inner Universe trembled gently.
The white wooden walls underwent a fundamental transformation.
Wood fibers reassembled into solid white marble.
Golden cloudlike patterns spread across the stone surface.
The ceiling rose upward, becoming a vast dome painted with myths among the stars.
Ordinary furniture stretched and reshaped itself into jewel-encrusted thrones and luxurious couches.
The changes didn’t stop inside the house.
The asphalt roads outside flipped over into golden stone pathways. ƒгeeweɓn૦vel.com
Neighboring homes rose skyward, sharp spires piercing the clouds.
Within minutes, the entire street had transformed from a normal town into an Asgardian architectural complex.
"Better?"
Wanda reached out and touched a cold marble pillar.
The anxiety in her expression finally faded.
"Yes. This is what a home should look like."
Outside the window, Mrs. Hart walked past with her poodle.
She looked up at the golden towers with eyes filled with fanatical devotion born from reality itself being corrected.
"Oh, Anthony! This renovation is absolutely visionary! A perfect fusion of classicism and postmodernism! It’s the pride of all Westview!"
"Thank you, Mrs. Hart. Wanda has been interested in vintage styles lately."
"Vintage? This isn’t vintage—this is a miracle!"
Her dog was currently urinating on a stone pillar covered in runic inscriptions.
---
The child within Wanda’s womb finally quieted down.
Levi sensed the Rule Singularity greedily absorbing the stabilized reality energy.
Deep within his consciousness, he could almost hear a tiny satisfied burp.
This child’s adaptability to the aura of the Void was even stronger than expected.
Clearly, it wasn’t destined to be well-behaved.
But that was fine.
As long as Wanda was happy.
---
Agatha crouched beside the kitchen sink, polishing gold-rimmed porcelain plates.
A dark witch who had lived for centuries now spent most of her magical energy removing grease stains from dishes.
The rules Levi imposed upon Westview acted like invisible shackles.
The slightest attempt at scheming would cause dark magic to backlash through her fingertips, leaving her in tears.
Through the window, she spotted the new mailman cycling past.
He wasn’t especially handsome. In his tidy uniform he seemed awkwardly out of place.
Yet there was something strange about the way he rode.
It was as if every muscle in his body was rebelling against the clothes he wore.
Agatha had seen all of Westview’s puppets.
This newcomer alone carried an unusual aura of chaos.
She dropped her rag.
While Levi accompanied Wanda in the backyard, she slipped out the back door and hid behind a rose bush.
Wade was placing newspapers into Anthony’s mailbox.
His movements were as precise as those of a model graduate from etiquette school.
But the eyes visible beneath his cap were twitching nonstop.
Levi’s laws had built walls around his mind.
Unfortunately, countless insane personalities hidden within his scarred body were busy digging tunnels beneath those walls.
"Hey, buddy."
Agatha lowered her voice.
Wade turned around with a smile so professional it bordered on terrifying.
"Good morning, esteemed resident. Are you dissatisfied with today’s delivery service? Or perhaps you’d like to subscribe to our weekly publication: Maintaining Mental Stability Under Higher-Dimensional Pressure?"
Agatha blinked.
No normal mailman talked like that.
She stepped closer and whispered an ancient phrase.
"The black goat whispers at midnight. The sisters in the shadows await their journey home."
It was a witches’ covenant password, used to determine whether someone remained mentally free.
Wade tilted his head.
His neck cracked audibly.
For one second, struggle flashed through his eyes.
Then they returned to their dead-fish calm.
"Oh, you’re referring to the livestock farming advertisement. My apologies. It is currently resting in a trash can somewhere in a parallel universe. However, I do have a buy-one-get-one-free burrito coupon. You probably won’t find a place to redeem it in this temple-themed community, but holding it may provide warmth from beyond the Fourth Wall."
"What nonsense are you talking about?"
Agatha grabbed his sleeve.
"Listen to me! I’m Agatha! I’m a witch! This place isn’t right! That man Anthony is a monster! He brought you here too, didn’t he?"
Wade’s lips twitched.
Inside his head, two little voices seemed to be fighting.
One shouted:
Tell her! Our salary is calculated by the second!
The other screamed:
Shut up and deliver the newspaper!
In the end, he politely removed her hand.
"Ma’am, I believe you may be suffering from severe postpartum depression. Although you’re not the one who’s pregnant. Mr. Anthony is an exceptionally generous employer. He gave me this job and even eliminated all my medical insurance costs—because he says I can’t die anyway."
Agatha nearly slammed her head into a wall.
The man’s logic resembled a box of Lego pieces that had been crushed and reassembled incorrectly.
He looked human.
Internally, he was pure corruption.
Wade mounted his bicycle.
"By the way, today’s front-page news is fascinating. The words keep dancing around, but I think I saw a large blonde lady with a hammer heading this way. Have fun washing dishes."
Whistling cheerfully, he rode away.
---
Agatha looked down.
A crumpled piece of paper had somehow appeared at her feet.
She picked it up.
It wasn’t a coupon.
It was a crooked doodle.
A tiny figure in a red-and-black bodysuit was giving the middle finger to an enormous glowing golden butt.
"Agatha, what are you doing over there?"
Her entire body stiffened.
The paper instantly turned to ash.
She turned around.
Levi stood calmly in the hallway holding a freshly trimmed potted flower.
"I... I was just wondering if the mailman had any letters for me."
Levi walked over and placed the flowerpot into her hands.
"Everyone has a place here."
"Your place is by the sink."
"His place is on the road."
"Don’t disturb an employee who loves his job. Understood?"
A warm current of law-based power flowed through her body from his fingertips.
It was both a warning and an act of mercy.
Clutching the heavy stone flowerpot, Agatha scurried back into the kitchen like a frightened quail.
---
Levi watched her leave before glancing toward the blue-clad figure disappearing around the corner.
Of course he knew what Wade was trying to do.
He simply didn’t care.
A little harmless chaos actually made the world feel more real.
After all, what neighborhood didn’t have a few weirdos?
---
When he went upstairs, Wanda was sitting by the window reading the newspaper.
"Anthony, the paper says we’re going to have beautiful weather today."
Levi wrapped his arms around her from behind.
"As long as you like it, every day is beautiful weather."
On the newspaper’s front page, the weather forecast image was quietly changing.
A massive armored figure carrying a battle axe was charging through rainbow-colored light.
The child inside Wanda’s womb sensed the familiar energy and stirred more violently.
It was hunger.
A primordial hunger to chew apart and devour all foreign power.
Levi felt the movement beneath his palm.
His smile deepened.
It seemed tonight’s dinner menu was about to gain another ingredient.
"Go take a nap, dear."
He kissed Wanda on the forehead.
"When you wake up, perhaps an old friend will have come to visit."
Wanda nodded obediently and allowed him to guide her toward the platinum-colored bed.
She didn’t see Agatha hiding within the kitchen shadows, staring at the sky through the window with nearly insane hope burning in her eyes.
Levi stood by the window, observing the increasingly sacred and tranquil streets beneath the afternoon sunlight.
The peace of this dream would soon be shattered.
But he had no intention of repairing it immediately.
A world with only two people was too lonely.
A few more actors would make the play far more entertaining.
He snapped his fingers.
Beyond the horizon, outside Westview’s crimson barrier, thick storm clouds were crossing dimensions.
The electrical charge in the air rose sharply.
The Bifrost was about to descend.
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