Free Web NovelChapter 48: The Cost
Kael spent five days in medical which was four days longer than he wanted and exactly as long as the healers insisted because apparently nearly dying from demon claws meant you didn’t get to just walk it off like a normal injury.
I spent those five days splitting time between his room and the funerals because we’d lost fifty-three fighters and that meant fifty-three families getting news that destroyed them and fifty-three pyres burning while I stood there useless.
Fifty-three. The number had replaced twenty-eight in my brain as the thing I couldn’t stop counting.
Third funeral was a young witch—maybe nineteen, twenty tops—who’d graduated from the academy three months ago and had been so excited to fight for the alliance, and watching her mother collapse while the pyre burned made something in my chest crack that I didn’t know how to fix.
"You can’t save everyone." Isabelle’s voice came quiet from beside me. "You know that, right?"
Knowing it didn’t make it hurt less. Didn’t make watching fifty-three pyres burn any easier. Didn’t stop me from running the numbers over and over trying to figure out what I could have done differently.
If I’d been faster. Stronger. Better at controlling the hybrid magic.
If I’d chosen to pursue the demon instead of staying with Kael.
If I’d—
"Stop." She cut through my spiral. "I can see you catastrophizing from here. This isn’t your fault."
Except it kind of was because I was the lynchpin holding the alliance together and fifty-three people had died while I stood there bleeding from my nose because I’d pushed too hard too fast.
The funeral ended and I made it through the receiving line where family members either thanked me for trying or looked at me like I’d personally killed their loved ones, and honestly both reactions were valid because I had tried and also I’d failed to keep them alive so.
By the time I got back to medical my brain was soup and all I wanted was to crawl into bed and sleep for a week, except Kael was awake and sitting up—actually sitting up without going pale—which meant he was healing and I should probably be happy about that instead of cataloging all the ways I’d failed.
"You look terrible." His voice was rough but stronger than yesterday.
"Thanks." I sank into the chair beside his bed. "Love that for me. Really helpful observation."
Through the bond I caught his amusement mixing with concern. "When did you last sleep?"
Define sleep. I’d closed my eyes a few times between funerals but actual restful unconsciousness hadn’t happened in like five days, maybe six, time was being weird again.
"Some." The lie was transparent.
"Liar." But his hand found mine. "Come here."
"I’m fine in the chair—"
"Selene." Just my name but it carried weight. "Get in the bed."
Arguing with an injured Alpha King seemed exhausting so I just kicked off my shoes and climbed in beside him carefully because his ribs were still healing and accidentally hurting him more would probably break me.
His arm came around me and I pressed my face against his chest—the uninjured side—and tried not to focus on how I could still feel the phantom pain of his wounds through our bond.
"Fifty-three." The number came out muffled.
"I know." His hand stroked through my hair. "I can feel you counting through the alliance bond."
Right. Because the binding meant I was connected to all two hundred fighters and the absence of fifty-three was loud even in silence.
"I should have been faster." The confession tore out. "Should have stopped the demon before it got to you. Should have—"
"You made a choice." He cut me off. "Love over duty. I’d make the same choice every time."
"Fifty-three people died because I wasn’t strong enough to save both." My voice cracked. "That’s not love, that’s selfishness."
"That’s being human." Simple. Direct. "You can’t save everyone. Trying to will just destroy you."
Being human. Right. Except I wasn’t just human, I was Hybrid Queen and that meant I was supposed to be better than human, stronger than human, capable of things humans couldn’t do.
And I’d still failed.
Through the bond I felt Riven’s concern spike and knew he was listening through the mind-link, and yeah privacy was dead and I couldn’t even have a breakdown without everyone knowing.
"The alliance is holding." Kael’s voice was quiet. Certain. "The visiting packs are staying. The vampires too. Even Lysander confirmed the coven’s commitment."
"Because they think we can actually win." I pulled back enough to look at him. "What happens when they realize we’re just surviving by sheer luck?"
"Luck is just strategy meeting opportunity." He cupped my face. "And you’ve been strategic enough to keep us alive twice. That’s not luck."
Twice. Two battles. One hundred sixty-seven fighters remaining from the original two hundred.
The math was mathing and I hated it. freёwebnovel.com
"Morgana found the second prophecy verse." I changed the subject because dwelling on casualties was making my chest tight in ways that had nothing to do with physical pressure. "Says the demon is just a manifestation of a larger darkness. We need to destroy the root."
His jaw tightened. "What’s the root?"
"Don’t know." I settled back against his chest because holding myself upright was taking energy I didn’t have. "We have six months to figure it out before the demon recovers enough to attack again."
"Then we use those six months." His voice went firm. Decisive. Alpha King mode engaged even while injured. "We research. We train. We find the root and destroy it before round three." freёweɓnovel.com
Round three. Because apparently this was going to keep happening until we either won permanently or died trying.
Great. Love that journey for us.
"What if we can’t find it?" The question I’d been avoiding. "What if the root is something we can’t destroy?"
"Then we figure out how to destroy it anyway." Simple. Certain. Pure Kael.
I wanted his certainty. Wanted to believe we could actually do this instead of just surviving until we didn’t.
"I’m tired." The confession came out small. Honest. "I’m tired of fighting and losing people and watching pyres burn. I’m tired of being responsible for two hundred lives when I can barely keep myself together."
"I know." His arm tightened around me. "But you’re not doing it alone. You have four bonds. You have two hundred alliance fighters. You have me."
Through the bond I felt his absolute conviction and it helped even though it didn’t change the fundamental problem that we were up against something ancient and powerful and we were just—
We were just us. Selene and Kael and Riven and Draven and Thorne. Five people trying to save everyone.
And we’d failed fifty-three times already.
"Sleep." Kael’s voice was gentle. "We’ll figure out the rest tomorrow."
Tomorrow. Right. Tomorrow we’d start researching the root and training harder and preparing for round three.
But tonight I was just going to lie here and listen to Kael breathe and be grateful he was still alive to breathe.
Small victories.
They’d have to be enough.
