Free Web Novel"Hey, I’m home!"
There was a reason people called humans animals of adaptation.
'What was the password again?'
Since I hadn’t come to my family’s place in almost three months, I panicked for a second because I couldn’t immediately remember the apartment entrance door code.
Thankfully, I barely managed to recall it and get in, but even after stepping inside, it felt weird. Why did the view of the house—something that should’ve been familiar—look so unfamiliar?
"You come home on leave without even saying anything?"
"How’ve you been holding up while I was gone, Lady Sukja?"
"Do you know how quiet the house is when you’re not here?"
"Man, that hurts. Cola."
Smack!
"Go buy it yourself!"
Ah.
The intense palm-touch on my back.
'This was it!'
Even after leaving home, my back had been diligently enduring the palms of the members and the managers, and sometimes even PD Raon, but it still felt like something was missing.
Like how celebrities or YouTubers who go on an overseas trip will say they start craving Korean food after a few days, I was the same. After tasting an authentic Mom-Smash for the first time in a while, I finally felt like I’d come home.
The original isn’t an original for no reason.
"Where’s Dad?"
"He went out because he had plans with friends, but when he heard you were coming, he said he’s on his way back."
"Why’s he going that far? I’ll be home for a while anyway."
"Your dad is always like that."
Nodding at Lady Sukja’s words, I picked up my suitcase and headed to my room.
Then I saw it—my comfy bed, my desk, and my computer.
Thud.
It was right that I should unpack the stuff I brought back from the dorm first, but I wanted to lie down on the bed.
My beloved bed that I’d used for quite a while, sinking deep without that bouncy springy feeling.
'This is the feeling.'
The dorm beds were new, so the springs were too alive, and it didn’t feel like this. I’d been disappointed, but yeah—new wasn’t always better.
That comfortably ruined-my-back feeling.
Like a military bunk, almost.
It probably wasn’t good for your health, but it was a bed with this kind of magic that made sleep show up the instant you lay down.
The dorm °• N 𝑜 v 𝑒 l i g h t •° was clean, and the company stocked it with all kinds of brand-new things for us, but none of it had a soul.
For example, my gaming laptop I’d bought after persuading Mom before I moved into the dorm.
'Maybe it’s because it’s a laptop. My real skill just doesn’t come out.'
Even though it had excellent performance compared to the computer I used to use, for some reason, I just couldn’t get attached to it.
Even after finding an excellent Rift partner in Manager Yunsik, maybe because of the gear, my limit was maintaining Silver tier.
During this leave, I needed to go hard exploring the Rift and get up to Gold tier.
Because I had to get a signature from Seiker, one of the five great saints of the world, who I’d run into on an ad shoot.
-If you come back wearing Gold next time, I’ll sign for you.
'It feels like it should be coming out soon.'
A lot more things had happened over the last three months than I expected.
Not only did I train and debut, I’d already filmed several ads.
Starting with a convenience store ad, then a school uniform ad, and the chocolate ad and the stomach medicine ad I’d filmed recently.
And then there was the last ad—one I filmed alone.
-Turn on the light for me?
It was a gaming brand ad, no less.
At first, it wasn’t a full-group ad. They’d singled out only me, so I was going to refuse, but—
-We booked pro gamer Seiker as your partner for this ad.
-I’ll do it! I will! I really want to!
The moment I heard it was Seiker, I accepted on the spot.
Of course, I didn’t really like the concept. The concept was: I’m alone in a dark room gaming and losing, then Seiker comes in, turns on the light, and hands me a new mouse and keyboard and headset.
I demanded, strongly, that they film me carrying, but they wouldn’t accept it.
Anyway, after filming with Seiker, I asked for a photo and a signature.
The photo was fine, but Seiker said a signature wasn’t allowed yet because I was still Silver, and then disappeared. Even now, thinking about it, I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and wail for Seiker.
So before the next chance I got to meet Seiker, I ended up with a goal: somehow, I had to get Gold tier.
"For now, I’ll have to play ADC only."
If we were on leave, that meant the managers were on leave too. I couldn’t call Yunsik, who’d been faithfully playing the role of my personal summoner, so I’d have to play ADC.
CaptainSion.
My first ID, zizonSion, had become way too famous, so I made a new one.
Luckily, after zizonSion, it had become trendy lately for Rift friends to stick “Sion” onto their IDs, so nobody suspected it was me.
[Guys with Sion in their name in games these days are seriously terrifying as hell]
「Guys with Sion in their name don’t even try to talk
These guys don’t compromise at all
I finally understand how our ancestors must’ve felt when they got invaded by the Mongol army
You guys better watch out for Sion too」
↳This is all because the three Rift evils got shattered by zizonSion
↳Fuck, after that, top lane psychos went insane and started running wild
↳For real, there are way too many Lee Sion names these days, and every single one is a lunatic
↳If I see Sion in champ select, my hands and feet start shaking for real
↳You should join too, put Sion in your name and the game gets easy, nobody picks fights with you
↳What the hell did Lee Sion do to the Rift, that crazy bitch?
Thanks to my loyal Rift friends who inherited my usual creed, a peaceful Rift world had been created where even if I played like before, there weren’t any big problems.
A Rift world that was finally running the right way.
"What do you want to eat tonight, Lee Sion?"
"Huh?"
Even my deep contemplation—why my tier was still the same—got cut short when I flinched without realizing it at Mom’s voice from the living room.
"You finally came home after so long, so you should eat home cooking. If there’s something you want, tell me. I’ll make it."
"No, Mom! You’ll be tired today, so let’s go out and eat."
"Going out, my ass. You probably haven’t even been eating properly. I’ll make it for you. Right, Sion likes meat, so should I at least make spicy pork?"
"No, seriously, I’m fine!"
"I should go to the mart and buy groceries."
Watching Lady Sukja perfectly demonstrate the defining trait of Korean middle-aged women—when they get fixated on something, they don’t hear what anyone else says—I felt a tension I hadn’t even felt when I faced a knife-wielding man.
'I’m screwed!'
If I had to name one reason why dorm life—starting from the group training dorm and continuing up to now—hadn’t been that hard, a major one was that I could avoid Lady Sukja’s meals.
-Dinner?
-Huh? I ate already.
-It’s only 6.
-I··· you know Manager Kim, right? The one whose kids went abroad so he lives alone? I felt bad he was eating alone···.
-Good grief. This is why a mom needs to be home, right? You need to eat home cooking. Lee Sion, get your butt out here! Eat!
If there was one thing I envied my dad for most, it was this: he could dodge Lady Sukja’s dinners.
Unlike Dad, who created a brand-new imaginary dinner buddy every time to avoid dinner, I had to eat Lady Sukja’s food morning and night, without fail.
'That was one of the reasons I ate so much school lunch.'
The social belief that kids naturally get hooked on their mom’s cooking got completely crushed in front of Lady Sukja’s cooking skills, which were downright apocalyptic.
Ding.
Just as I was staring at Mom packing up her shopping basket, regretting why I’d come home without thinking, my phone’s KakaoTalk sound snapped me awake.
[Im Traitor] It’s the first day of leave, what are you all doing today?
[Ryujin-scrub] I’ll probably eat out with my family.
[coward Ryujin] I have work.
[Im Traitor] Ah.. Shinyu and Yuri still have some time before they go home, so we decided to hang out at my place
[Cunning Yuri] We’re going out for dinner!
[Our Shinyu] Yunkyung says Yunkyung knows a delicious restaurant! ƒгeewebnovёl.com
The members’ KakaoTalk messages that piled up in that short moment.
'This is it!'
I’d found a way to dodge Lady Sukja’s dinner course, so I was about to immediately type back that I was coming, when—
[D Gahyeon] I can’t go...
[Im Traitor] Why?
[D Gahyeon] I have to go film..
"Huh?"
I had no choice but to stop my fingers when I saw Lee Gahyeon’s chat.
We’d just gotten leave, and suddenly she was saying something I couldn’t understand—that she had to go film, so she couldn’t come.
[Me] What filming?
[D Gahyeon] YouTube in-house content
In-house content?
When she said she was filming alone, not with the members like always, not only me but the other members must’ve been shocked too, because the group chat started buzzing nonstop.
[Me] So what are they saying you’re filming?
[D Gahyeon] So···
***
Gahyeon envied Lee Sion.
-Wow! Captain, you filmed an ad alone and came back?
-This is the photo I took with Seiker. Eyes only.
All the Iam members had their own individual fans cheering for them, but Lee Sion was on a different scale.
-There are a lot of cases where they want to call only Sion onto variety shows.
-Right now, we should focus on activities as a team, so it’s better to refuse.
Ever since Agbaek, Lee Sion had been #1 in popularity rankings. She always pulled attention, so even within Iam, she often did solo shoots.
For example, magazine interviews, or TV broadcast interviews.
Or even on music shows, they’d call only Lee Sion separately to film special programs.
If the company hadn’t restrained it, it was obvious she would’ve filmed an insane number of things, starting with ads and going all the way to variety.
The person herself didn’t seem that interested in going out alone, and since Lee Sion’s personality was the type to not place much meaning on things like that in the first place, she didn’t seem dissatisfied with the company’s policy at all—if anything, she seemed satisfied.
'Me too. I want to do something solo, just once!'
Lee Gahyeon was a little different.
It wasn’t like she was dissatisfied with Iam activities.
Gahyeon just had a pure desire to play a role where she was the main character, at least once.
Because from Agbaek until now, she’d always been active as a team member, so maybe she was desperate for a solo shot?
Every time a stage ended, her parents would take stage photos with their phone camera and send them to her.
-Our Gahyeon is pretty again today!
(A stage photo of Lee Gahyeon where the focus isn’t very sharp because they took it in a rush)
Since Raon, the producer, distributed parts fairly, Gahyeon got a decent amount too, but to parents who were older, it probably felt like a split second.
Maybe that was why.
One of Gahyeon’s small wishes was to let her parents take photos comfortably, without anxiously waiting for when she’d appear.
And that chance came faster than she expected.
"So that’s how it happened. Gahyeon, you’re taking the first solo video for in-house content."
"Yes!"
All the members followed the managers back home from the dorm, and Gahyeon was about to head back too, when Raon, the producer, told Gahyeon there was something left that Gahyeon had to do.
-During leave, we’ll definitely give you rest, but you know this too—when you’re an idol, leave is content too.
Fans were curious about every single thing an idol did.
What they ate, what clothes they wore, what kind of day they spent today—being curious about those things was normal.
Some people criticized it, saying it wasn’t too much that they wanted to know even overly personal parts, but—
'Because they like you.'
Gahyeon thought it was natural, in a way.
Of course, if it turned into excessive obsession and became sasaeng behavior, that was a problem, but it was human to be curious about someone you liked.
So idols did live broadcasts to answer fans’ curiosity, or communicated through fan messengers, or posted updates through social media.
In that sense, Iam was very faithful.
[Today’s Iam dinner]
(A photo of the members sitting together around golden fried rice that looks delicious)
Dinner today is golden fried rice Sion made herself. (Surprisingly good?!)
↳The photo looks delicious, but isn’t the cook kind of suspicious?
↳But even during the chocolate thing, Lee Sion can cook surprisingly well
↳That “mess hall rice that hopped the fence” line didn’t come from nowhere because the rice tasted bad
↳I love how Iam posts on social media so well
↳For real, there are tons of groups that start doing well and then ignore everything using “we’re busy” as an excuse, but here they keep posting consistently even about small stuff
They didn’t have personal social media yet, but they frequently posted the members’ lives through their official YouTube and social media, so fans liked it.
And idols like that couldn’t just spend their leave doing nothing.
"We’ll film the full-team leave content next week, but today, we need to film content that will go up in between."
"Leave it to me!"
"Yeah, see, I told you. Doing Gahyeon first was the right choice."
It seemed KJ Entertainment also had no intention of letting the precious content called “idol leave” just pass by, because they told Gahyeon the news—she was getting a solo shoot, no less.
'I can do it!'
Gahyeon was overflowing with motivation.
She wasn’t confident she could go on a rampage like Lee Sion, the variety show devil, but still—among the remaining members, Gahyeon thought she had at least a bit of variety sense.
And since she was filming the first solo content, surely the content team had prepared thoroughly.
"But what’s the solo content about?"
"Um··· about that."
If Gahyeon was filming alone, she was really curious what it would be, and she was excited too.
'When I look at other idol groups, they do stuff like go on restaurant tours, or walk around hot streets shopping and things like that.'
Thinking of other idol groups’ in-house content, Gahyeon sank into happy imagination.
"Gahyeon, do you know what nicknames you have?"
"Huh? Nicknames?"
But instead of answering, Raon asked if she knew what her nicknames were, and Gahyeon got a chilling feeling.
"Oldest Youngest?"
"Yeah, that too."
That too?
"It’s not E Gahyeon, right?"
The nickname fans used for Gahyeon most commonly was Oldest Youngest, and another one was E Gahyeon, which extremely described one of Gahyeon’s body parts.
When Gahyeon asked, thinking maybe it was that, Raon jolted and waved her hands frantically.
"No!"
"Uh··· then what else is there?"
Because Lee Sion was always slapping nicknames onto the members, Iam members had so many nicknames that while Gahyeon was struggling, Raon cautiously opened her mouth.
"The Pork Cutlet Thief Squad."
"···."
"Gahyeon, one of your nicknames is the Pork Cutlet Thief Squad."
Gahyeon squeezed her eyes shut without realizing it at the nickname that came out of Raon’s mouth.
-lol how is your nickname the Pork Cutlet Thief Squad
↳This is my first time seeing idols fight with chopsticks because they want to eat one pork cutlet
↳Sure, Lee Sion is Lee Sion, but Lee Gahyeon being that desperate is so funny
↳When Lee Sion attacks with words, her eyes get huge, but she still doesn’t let go of the chopsticks to the end, that’s the kill point
↳Feed the kids well, they instantly throw away image management over one pork cutlet
↳Lee Sion is good at nicknames. Somehow “Pork Cutlet Thief Squad” fits so well
It was one of the humiliating nicknames that had followed Gahyeon up to now, because of a single line Lee Sion had said during Agbaek group training.
"Why would you bring that up···."
"The first solo in-house content for Iam is Extreme Part-Time Job: Lee Gahyeon, pork cutlet restaurant part-timer episode."
Gahyeon hated the world.
