Free Web NovelThe mental world broke again with the sound of a bullet striking a sword.
CLANG!
The girl stepped back twice. Her arms trembled. The impact traveled from her wrists up to her shoulders and, for a second, she felt the guns about to slip from her hands.
She couldn't allow that.
Not now.
Not after so much.
Matt was in front of her, black sword in one hand and the same serious expression as always.
Not a drop of sweat.
Not a labored breath.
Not a clear sign of exhaustion.
That was irritating.
Very irritating.
The girl, on the other hand, felt like every part of her mental body was about to give up. Her legs burned. Her arms were too heavy. Her fingers were numb from gripping the triggers so long, and her chest was rising and falling rapidly.
The girl gritted her teeth and raised both guns. They were black, simple weapons, created within that mental world from what Matt remembered of the guns she had repaired in the cave.
Matt advanced — a single step, controlled, sword low.
The girl swallowed.
'Don't just look at the sword.'
That advice had lodged itself in her head.
Not the sword.
Shoulders.
Feet.
Distance.
Breathing.
Although Matt barely breathed visibly when he fought, which was a horrible trap in itself.
The girl aimed with the right gun.
Matt's shoulder shifted slightly.
'He's going to spin.'
She fired.
BANG!
Matt moved the sword.
CLANG!
The bullet was deflected into the sky.
The girl fired with the left gun almost simultaneously.
BANG!
Matt tilted his body.
The bullet passed by his cheek.
Didn't hit him.
But it passed close.
Very close.
The girl opened her eyes slightly.
'Almost!'
Matt appeared in front of her.
The girl barely managed to cross both guns in front of her chest.
CLANG!
Matt's sword struck the weapons.
The impact sent her stumbling back several steps.
"Ugh!"
Her arms almost gave way.
Matt pushed slightly harder.
The girl felt the gun barrels vibrating against the sword's edge.
Matt pulled the sword back and attacked from below. The girl jumped backward.
Whoosh!
The cut passed in front of her abdomen, tearing only the fabric of her mental clothes.
The girl opened her eyes.
She was still alive.
Matt barely raised one eyebrow.
That was enough for her to feel a small victory.
"Don't lose focus."
"I'm not losing focus!"
Matt raised the sword again.
The girl fired first.
BANG! BANG!
Two shots.
One at the shoulder.
One at the leg.
Matt moved the sword to deflect the first.
CLANG!
The second almost hit.
Almost.
Matt turned his body just enough to dodge it.
Then he advanced.
The girl stepped back.
Once.
Twice.
Three times.
Matt gave her no room to breathe.
Every move he made held a hidden correction inside it.
If she fired too high, he came in low.
If she retreated in a straight line, he cut off her route.
If she only aimed at the chest, he changed the angle.
If she tried to think too hard, he was already on top of her.
BANG!
CLANG!
BANG!
Whoosh!
A bullet grazed Matt's arm.
Didn't wound him, but it grazed.
The girl saw it.
So did Matt.
The girl felt part of herself want to celebrate.
Mistake.
Matt kicked her knee.
Thud!
"Ah!"
The girl lost her balance, fell sideways, and ended up with her face almost against the grass. She pressed the right gun to the ground, turned clumsily, and fired without getting up.
BANG!
Matt deflected the bullet.
CLANG!
The girl fired with the left gun toward his feet.
BANG!
Matt leaped backward.
For the first time in that attempt, he stepped back by his own choice.
The girl lay on the ground, breathing hard.
'I made him step back.'
It wasn't a victory.
Not even something major.
But her chest filled with an emotion so strong she almost smiled again.
Matt looked at her from a few meters away.
"That was better."
The girl raised her head.
"Really?"
"Yes."
She blinked.
Matt advanced again.
"But you're still on the ground."
The girl's eyes went wide.
"Wait!"
"No."
"You just praised me!"
"And now I'm going to punish you for staying still."
"That's terrible!"
Matt accelerated.
The girl rolled to one side.
Whoosh!
The sword cut the grass where her throat had been.
Her throat remembered every previous cut.
The feeling of not being able to breathe.
The body coming apart.
The consciousness breaking.
Fear appeared.
Strong.
Horrible.
But her hands moved.
Not well.
Not calmly.
But they moved.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Three shots in a row.
The first missed.
The second was deflected.
The third forced Matt to turn his head.
The girl used that second to half-stand and run backward.
She gritted her teeth, raised the right gun, and aimed at his chest.
Matt shifted his shoulder just slightly.
She changed the angle at the last second and aimed at his leg.
BANG!
Matt opened his eyes slightly.
He moved the sword downward.
CLANG!
He deflected the bullet, but had to drop his guard.
The girl fired with the left.
BANG!
Matt turned his body.
The bullet grazed his sleeve and Matt appeared in front of her.
"Agh!"
She crossed both guns.
The sword struck.
CLANG!
The impact was so strong that one of the guns flew out of her left hand.
The girl's eyes went wide.
'No…'
Matt moved the sword toward her throat.
The girl fired with the right.
BANG!
Matt tilted his head.
The bullet passed beside his ear.
Didn't hit him.
The sword kept coming down.
The girl dropped to her knees.
Whoosh!
The blade passed above her head.
The air cut right above her.
The girl felt several strands of her mental hair fall across her face.
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She didn't think much. She just gritted her teeth and hit Matt in the stomach with the gun's grip.
Thud!
Matt went still.
So did the girl.
For a second, neither of them spoke.
She slowly raised her gaze.
Matt looked at her from above.
His expression wasn't pain.
It was disbelief.
Then he looked down at the spot where the gun had struck his abdomen.
"That was stupid."
The girl swallowed.
Matt continued:
"If I had kept my arm lower, I would have cut your hand."
The girl didn't respond.
"But it was better than just standing there waiting."
She blinked, confused.
Before she could say anything, Matt raised the sword again.
The girl felt her soul return to her body only to want to leave again. frёeweɓηovel.coɱ
"Are we still going?"
Matt looked at her.
"Five minutes haven't passed."
The girl went cold.
"What?"
"Five minutes haven't passed."
She swallowed while her entire body trembled.
"How much is left…?"
Matt didn't answer right away.
That was a bad sign.
Very bad.
"Thirty-seven seconds."
The girl felt like crying.
After one hundred and thirty-nine attempts, thirty-seven seconds felt like torture.
The girl raised the one gun she had left — the other was lying several meters away.
Matt glanced at the fallen weapon.
Then at her.
"You're not going to reach it."
"I know."
"Then what are you going to do?"
The girl swallowed.
She had no answer.
Matt advanced.
She stepped back.
One step.
Then another.
"If you retreat without a plan, I'm going to catch you."
"I'm thinking!"
The girl gritted her teeth.
Matt accelerated.
Tap!
The sound of his foot against the grass was small.
But to her it sounded horrible.
Matt appeared in front of her.
The sword rose.
The girl didn't try to block.
She had no way to.
So she did the only thing she could.
She fired straight into the ground between them.
BANG!
The mental earth exploded upward.
Puff!
It wasn't a strong explosion.
Wasn't a great technique.
Just a bullet hitting the ground with enough force to throw grass and dirt into Matt's face.
Matt narrowed his eyes.
The girl threw herself to one side.
Whoosh!
The sword passed through where she had been.
"That won't work twice," said Matt.
"I don't need it to work twice!"
The girl rolled across the ground, stretched out her left hand, and reached the second gun with the tips of her fingers.
Matt was already on top of her.
He raised the sword.
The girl closed her hand around the weapon.
Matt brought the blade down.
She raised both guns and fired at the same time.
Not at Matt.
To both sides.
BANG! BANG!
The bullets struck the ground on either side of him.
Chunks of grass flew up.
Matt paused for an instant.
That instant was enough.
The girl rolled backward and ended up sitting, both guns aimed at him.
Her arms were trembling so badly the barrels wouldn't stay straight.
Matt raised the sword.
She pulled both triggers.
Click.
Click.
Nothing came out.
The girl opened her eyes.
"Huh?"
Matt stared at her.
Then slowly lowered the sword.
"Time."
The girl didn't move.
"What?"
"Five minutes."
She was still aiming the empty guns at him.
"No."
Matt raised an eyebrow.
"No?"
"It can't be."
"It is."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"You're not lying to make me feel better?"
Matt looked at her for a few seconds.
"Do you really think I'd do that?"
The girl went quiet.
Then lowered the guns.
"No…"
"Then don't ask obvious things."
The girl dropped both weapons.
Not because she wanted to.
But because her fingers could no longer stay closed.
The guns fell onto the grass and dissolved into dark particles.
Then she let herself fall completely flat on her back.
Thud!
She didn't care that it hurt.
Didn't care that she looked pathetic.
Didn't care about anything.
She had lasted five minutes.
Five.
Not one.
Not two.
Five.
After one hundred and thirty-nine attempts.
After dying so many times she had lost exact count of which wounds had hurt most.
After hating Matt.
After hating herself.
After wanting to give up.
She had lasted.
The girl looked at the blue sky of the mental world.
The clouds were still there.
Calm.
She started laughing.
"I did it…"
Matt walked over and stood beside her.
"Yes."
The girl put an arm over her eyes.
"I thought I was going to die again."
"Almost."
"That doesn't help."
"But you didn't die."
The girl breathed slowly.
Everything hurt.
Even parts she didn't know could hurt inside a mental body.
Matt was quiet for a few seconds.
"Good work."
The girl went still.
Her arm was still covering her eyes.
"What?"
"I said good work."
The girl didn't lower her arm.
She didn't want him to see her face.
Not now.
Not when those words had produced a reaction far too embarrassing.
Matt continued:
"I thought you'd give up earlier."
The girl pressed her lips together.
"So did I."
"I also thought you'd take control of the body and try to advance through the cave on your own."
The girl lowered her arm and looked at him with exhaustion.
"What?"
Matt barely shrugged.
"It was a possibility."
The girl looked at him as if he'd just said something enormously stupid.
Then let out a dry laugh.
"I'm not that much of an idiot."
Matt raised an eyebrow.
"Sure?"
The girl tried to sit up, failed halfway, and fell back.
"Don't provoke me. I'm celebrating not being dead."
Matt didn't smile, but his eyes looked a little less hard.
The girl breathed with difficulty and spoke while looking at the sky.
"If I couldn't last five minutes against you… then I never would have lasted against that boss."
Matt didn't respond.
She continued:
"If I'd tried to move forward without you, I would have died. For real. Or something worse. So no. I'm not so much of an idiot that I'd take off running just because training scares me."
Matt crossed his arms.
"Good."
The girl opened one eye.
"Good?"
"Yes."
"That's all?"
"What do you want me to say?"
"I don't know. Something longer. You're very dry with me…"
Matt thought for a few seconds before saying:
"Congratulations on reaching a basic survival conclusion that Iris probably would have ignored."
The girl went still.
Then frowned.
"That was horrible."
"It was a compliment."
"Comparing me to Iris while congratulating me makes it sound worse."
"Precisely because you're not Iris, you reached that conclusion."
The girl closed her mouth.
That comment hit her differently.
It wasn't much.
But coming from Matt, it was quite something.
She turned her head to look at him better.
Matt was still standing, arms crossed, serious expression, his mental black hair moving just slightly in the field's breeze.
He didn't look kind.
But he didn't look like he was attacking her either.
That was strange.
The girl stared at him for a few seconds.
Then gritted her teeth and started to get up.
Matt watched her.
"Don't get up too fast."
"I'm fine."
"You're not fine."
"I'm fine enough."
The girl managed to sit up.
"Ugh…"
Matt sighed.
"I told you."
The girl ignored him.
First one knee down. Then the other.
Her legs trembled as if they might fold at any moment.
Matt didn't move.
The girl looked at him.
He looked back at her.
For an instant, she thought about what she had just accomplished.
Five minutes.
She had lasted five minutes against him.
She hadn't beaten him.
Not even close.
Hadn't even really hurt him.
But she had survived.
That should be enough.
She should feel satisfied.
Should drop back onto the grass and sleep inside that mental world until her consciousness stopped hurting.
But there was something else.
An irritation that had been growing for a while now.
Not just the training.
Not just Iris.
Not just the queen.
It was her.
Herself.
The way Matt looked at her.
The way he talked about her.
The way every time she did something strange, something clumsy, something impulsive, he said it reminded him of Iris.
Iris.
Iris.
Iris.
That name always appeared.
Like something stuck to her existence.
And she hated it because she didn't want to be seen as another version of her.
She wanted to be someone.
The girl took a step toward Matt.
Matt looked at her with suspicion.
"What are you doing?"
She took another step.
Her legs almost gave way.
"I need to ask you something."
"You can ask from the ground."
"No."
"You should."
"No."
Matt narrowed his eyes.
The girl was already in front of him.
Too close.
Matt didn't step back.
That was his mistake, because he had let his guard down.
The girl breathed slowly.
Then threw herself at him.
"What—?"
Thud!
Matt fell backward onto the grass with the girl on top.
It wasn't a hard blow.
But it was unexpected. The girl ended up on his chest, hands planted on either side of his head.
Matt looked at her from below.
His expression wasn't pain.
It was disbelief.
"What are you doing?"
The girl breathed with difficulty.
"I got you."
"No."
"Yes."
"You fell on me because I assumed you wouldn't do something that dumb right after passing."
"That counts."
"It doesn't count."
The girl frowned.
"It counts to me."
Matt closed his eyes for a second.
"You're too tired to think."
"I'm tired, not dead."
The girl looked at him steadily.
Matt opened his eyes.
"What do you want?"
She swallowed.
Now that she had him pinned, she realized she hadn't thought through how to start.
That was a problem.
Matt waited.
The girl looked down slightly.
"What do I have to do?"
Matt frowned.
"For what?"
"For you to stop seeing me as Iris."
Silence fell.
Matt didn't respond right away.
The girl noticed his expression change.
Not much.
But enough.
Matt raised a hand and put it on her shoulder.
"First, get off me."
"Answer me first."
"Get off first."
"No."
Matt looked at her.
The girl held his gaze as best she could for three seconds.
Then Matt moved her off with ease.
Not a hard push.
He just took her shoulders and moved her to one side, leaving her sitting in the grass next to him.
Then he sat up.
The girl pressed her lips together.
"You always do that."
"Do what?"
"Move me aside."
"You threw yourself on top of me."
"That doesn't answer my question."
Matt sat still, one knee up, an arm resting on it.
He looked at her for a few seconds.
Then spoke calmly:
"It's impossible for me not to compare you to Iris, given that you both share the same parasitic origin."
The girl felt something inside her sink.
The description hurt.
She knew it was true.
Or at least part of it.
But hearing him say it like that…
The girl looked down.
Her fingers closed on the grass.
"I see…"
Her voice came out low.
Lower than she wanted.
Matt looked at her.
For a second, he seemed like he was going to keep going in the same tone.
But then he saw her face.
The girl had tried to hide it.
She hadn't managed it.
Her expression had gone sad.
Matt clicked his tongue.
"Although you're not entirely the same as her."
She went still.
Matt looked away to one side, as if saying that bothered him.
"It's just impossible not to compare you."
The girl raised her eyes slightly.
Matt kept talking:
"Iris would have ignored my warnings. She would have pushed forward alone out of pride. She would have convinced herself she could handle it just because someone giving her orders annoyed her."
The girl listened in silence.
"You didn't do that."
She looked down.
"Because I was scared."
"Also because you thought."
The girl opened her eyes slightly.
Matt didn't look directly at her.
"That's already a difference."
The girl felt something small and foolish stir in her chest.
She wanted to smile.
She didn't.
Not yet.
Matt ran a hand through his hair.
"But the problem is still there."
The girl looked at him.
"Which?"
"You don't have a name."
She went still.
Matt glanced at her sideways.
"To me you're still a feminine voice. The strange thing in my head. The other existence born from vampire blood. And since Iris was the first, my head compares you to her."
The girl looked down.
"I don't have a name…"
"No."
"Then…"
Her fingers tightened on the grass.
"If I have one, will you stop comparing me to Iris?"
Matt raised an eyebrow.
"It doesn't work like that."
The girl leaned toward him.
"But it would help."
"Maybe."
She looked at him steadily.
"Maybe?"
"Yes."
"That's not enough."
Matt let out a sigh.
"What do you want?"
"Promise it."
Matt looked at her.
"What?"
The girl moved a little closer.
"Promise that if I choose a name, you'll stop saying I'm like Iris."
Matt blinked.
Then let out a low laugh.
"That's absurd."
The girl frowned.
"Why are you laughing?"
"Because you think a name fixes years of problems and bad experiences with a parasitic princess."
"I didn't say it would fix everything."
"It sounds like it."
The girl gritted her teeth.
"Promise it."
Matt looked at her more carefully.
"Why are you so set on this?"
The girl went still.
"Because…"
The answer got stuck.
Because it was important.
Because every time Matt compared her to Iris, she felt like all her effort was pointless.
Because she was trying to do everything right.
Because she had died more than one hundred and thirty-nine times in that training just to be useful.
Because she had endured the pain, the fear, and the shame of feeling weak.
Because she didn't want Matt to look at her like she was a second Iris.
And above all…
She didn't want him to hate her.
The girl swallowed.
"Because it matters to me."
Matt didn't respond.
She clenched her fists.
"I hate being compared to her over and over."
Matt looked at her.
The girl kept going, though each word cost more.
"I'm trying to do everything I can to be different. I'm trying to learn. I'm trying to listen to you. I'm trying not to make her mistakes."
Her voice dropped.
"I'm trying not to be hated by…"
She stopped.
Matt narrowed his eyes slightly.
"By whom?"
The girl felt warmth rise to her face.
"It doesn't matter."
Matt watched her in silence.
The girl looked away.
"Promise it."
"You're changing the subject."
"No."
"Yes."
"Promise it."
Matt let out another sigh.
"How persistent."
The girl looked up.
"Please."
Matt went quiet.
That word seemed to bother him more than any shout.
The girl didn't understand why.
Maybe because it sounded too sincere.
Maybe because she didn't say it the way Iris would have.
Iris wouldn't ask please.
Not like that.
Iris would order.
Demand.
Get irritated.
She, on the other hand, was sitting there in the grass, exhausted, clothes torn, eyes still red, hands still trembling after surviving five minutes against him.
Matt closed his eyes.
For several seconds, he said nothing.
Then he spoke:
"Fine."
The girl looked up.
"Fine?"
Matt opened his eyes.
"For everything you put in today…"
He looked to one side.
"And because you listen more than Iris on her best days…"
The girl didn't know whether to feel flattered or offended.
Matt continued:
"I promise."
She went completely still.
"Really?"
"Yes."
"You won't compare me to Iris?"
"Not if I can help it."
"That sounds incomplete."
"It's the most you're going to get."
The girl looked at him with suspicion.
Matt looked back.
"Do you want the promise or not?"
The girl pressed her lips together.
Then nodded.
"I want it."
"Then it's done."
The girl looked down.
She felt a smile trying to appear on her face.
No.
She couldn't smile so easily.
Not in front of him.
That would be embarrassing.
So she turned her face slightly, pretending to look at the grass, and covered her mouth with one hand.
She breathed slowly.
Now came the hard part.
The name.
It wasn't something she could just say without thinking.
But it also wasn't something she had just made up in that moment.
The idea had been circling somewhere inside her for a while.
At first she didn't understand it.
Didn't know if she had the right to a name.
Matt had a name.
Iris had a name.
The queen had a name, though she preferred not to think about it too much.
Eleonora had a name.
Selene had a name.
Everyone was someone.
She was "the voice."
No.
She didn't want that anymore.
Not after dying so many times and coming back together.
Not after understanding that she wanted to live.
The girl closed her eyes.
Her hands closed on her knees.
She was nervous.
Too much.
'It's just a name…'
But it didn't feel like just a name.
It felt like saying:
I'm here.
I'm different.
I'm not Iris.
I'm not just a part of Matt.
I'm not just a mistake.
The girl opened her eyes.
Matt was still waiting.
"So…"
Her voice came out lower than she wanted.
She swallowed and tried again.
"From now on…"
Matt watched her in silence.
The girl pressed her fingers to her knees.
"From now on my name is Noxx."
The silence fell.
Matt didn't react at first.
He just looked at her.
The girl felt her nerves climbing up her spine.
"What?"
Matt blinked.
"Nox."
The girl opened her eyes.
"No."
Matt raised an eyebrow.
"No?"
"It's not Nox."
"That's what you said."
"No. I said Noxx."
Matt looked at her.
The girl raised a finger.
"With a double x at the end."
Matt went completely still.
Then slowly looked down. Then looked back at her.
"Double x?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
The girl frowned.
"Because."
"That doesn't explain anything."
"It doesn't have to explain anything."
"Of course it does. It's your name."
The girl crossed her arms.
"I like it that way."
Matt looked at her for several seconds.
Then closed his eyes.
His shoulder trembled slightly.
The girl narrowed her eyes.
"Are you laughing?"
"No…"
"Yes you are."
"No…"
"Your face is moving weird!"
Matt brought a hand to his mouth.
"It's a pretty strange name."
The girl felt her face heat up.
"It's not strange!"
"It has a double x at the end."
"And?"
"It doesn't make sense."
"It doesn't have to make sense!"
Matt couldn't hold it anymore.
He let out a laugh.
Not a huge one.
But a clear one.
The girl stared at him with indignation.
"What are you laughing at?!"
Matt tried to recover his composure.
He almost managed it.
"It's nothing."
"It's something!"
Matt shook his head, but he was still smiling.
The girl pointed at him.
"You promised! You can't make fun of my name!"
"I didn't promise that."
"But you should have!"
Matt breathed slowly, trying to stop laughing.
"It just reminded me of something."
"What thing?"
"Nothing important."
"Matt."
"No."
"Tell me!"
Matt looked at her.
For a moment he seemed to debate whether to explain it or not.
Then he shook his head.
"Better if you don't know."
The girl frowned more.
"That sounds worse."
"It is."
"Then tell me!"
"No."
The girl puffed out her cheeks slightly.
Not elegantly.
Not like Iris.
More like someone too exhausted to hide that she was annoyed.
Matt looked at her and had to look away again to keep from laughing more.
The name had hit a very specific part of his human memories.
A distant era of the internet.
Exaggerated usernames.
People calling themselves xXDragonXx.
xXKillMasterXx.
xXDarkAngelXx.
Names full of extra letters, unnecessary capitals, and a confidence that could only exist before shame was fully understood.
And now this girl, born from vampire magic, fear, royal blood, and a worrying quantity of problems, had decided to call herself Noxx.
With a double x at the end.
Matt brought a hand to his forehead.
'I can't.'
It was terrible.
Matt let out another small laugh.
The girl half-rose from the grass, irritated.
"You're laughing again!"
"No."
"Yes!"
"I'm processing."
"You process with your mouth laughing!"
Matt lowered his hand and looked at her.
The girl was red with embarrassment and annoyance, arms crossed, eyes shining with irritation.
But she was also waiting.
Waiting for him to say something.
To accept the name.
To use it.
Matt felt the laughter fading slowly.
Not from discomfort.
But because he understood that for her it wasn't a joke.
Even if the name was ridiculous.
Even if the double x made no sense.
Even if it reminded him of internet users who probably should have been erased out of collective embarrassment.
For her, it mattered.
Matt breathed slowly.
Then looked at her directly.
"Noxx."
The girl went still. Matt said it properly, with the double x.
It didn't really show when spoken aloud, but she felt it.
That was enough.
Matt continued:
"Then, Noxx…"
The girl pressed her lips together.
She didn't want to smile.
Not now.
Not after he had laughed at her.
But her mouth wasn't fully cooperating.
Matt got up from the grass and offered her a hand.
"I suppose it's a pleasure to meet you."
Noxx looked at his hand.
Then at him.
"I suppose?" asked Noxx.
Matt raised an eyebrow.
"You want me to say it with more feeling?"
"No."
"Then don't complain."
Noxx pressed her lips together. Then she took his hand. She tried to hide all the emotion she felt in that moment.
She was no longer Iris. She was Noxx.
