Free Web NovelChapter 80: Chapter 80: Just A Kiss
Chapter 80: Just A Kiss
—ARIA—
I was distraught.
No matter how many times I replayed the conversation in my head, I arrived at the same conclusion.
I had hurt him.
I had genuinely hurt him.
The realization sat heavily in my chest as I held him tighter.
For so long, I had convinced myself that everything I was doing was for my sake and for the one who cared for me. Every decision I made, every plan I carefully arranged, every step I took toward the future had been motivated by a single thought.
Protect myself.
Protect Ren from the disaster that I might not prevent at the end of this story.
Yet somehow, despite all my efforts, despite all the sleepless nights spent trying to calculate every possible outcome, despite all the sacrifices I thought I was making for our sake, I had managed to cause pain anyway.
Maybe that was the cruelest part.
My arms tightened slightly around his shoulders.
Ren’s body was still trembling.
This wasn’t a misunderstanding that could be laughed away tomorrow. frёewebnoѵēl.com
The man in my arms was genuinely terrified.
And somehow...
That terrified me too.
Because Ren was never afraid.
At least not openly.
He was always calm and steady.
Always the one cleaning up my disasters while I created new ones.
Even when things went wrong, he never seemed shaken.
He simply dealt with them.
Like some impossibly patient saint assigned to babysit an overly energetic noblewoman with poor survival instincts.
Yet tonight that calmness had shattered completely.
And the reason was me.
"Ren..."
My voice sounded smaller than I intended.
He didn’t answer.
His face remained buried against my shoulder.
I could feel his uneven breathing through the fabric of my dress.
A painful ache settled inside my chest.
"Ren, I’m sorry."
The apology felt inadequate the moment it left my mouth.
Sorry.
What a pathetic little word.
How was a single word supposed to fix this?
How was it supposed to repair years of fears he had apparently been carrying alone?
How was it supposed to undo the damage I had unknowingly caused?
Still, I forced myself to continue.
Because remaining silent would only make things worse.
"I never wanted to hurt you."
The confession came out softer this time.
"I really didn’t."
My fingers slowly moved through his hair. The gesture felt strangely natural. Comforting him had always come easily.
Understanding him was apparently another matter entirely.
"I thought I was helping."
I laughed weakly but the sound carried no humor whatsoever.
"I thought I was being responsible."
The word itself sounded ridiculous.
Responsible.
What part of this looked responsible?
The man currently crying in my arms would probably disagree.
"I thought that if I prepared you for the future..." I continued quietly. "If I made sure you could stand on your own... if I helped you build a life outside of following me around all day..."
A lump formed in my throat.
"...then you’d be happier."
The silence that followed felt heavy and uncomfortable.
Not because he was angry.
But because I was finally hearing my own thoughts out loud.
And for the first time, they sounded wrong.
Painfully wrong.
Because nowhere in that plan had I ever asked what Ren wanted.
I had simply assumed.
Assumed I knew what was best for him.
Assumed I knew what future would make him happiest.
Assumed that eventually he would leave.
That eventually he would build his own life.
That eventually he would no longer need me.
Wasn’t that what was supposed to happen?
Children grew up.
People moved on.
Lives changed.
Relationships changed.
That was normal.
Wasn’t it?
Then why did this feel so terrible?
Slowly, Ren lifted his head.
His eyes were red.
His face was damp with tears.
The sight made my heart twist painfully.
Yet it wasn’t his tears that unsettled me.
It was the expression behind them.
The desperation.
The disbelief and hurt.
"Better off without you?"
His voice sounded hoarse.
As though merely repeating those words physically pained him.
I immediately regretted saying them.
"That’s not what I meant."
"Then what did you mean?"
I opened my mouth to respond and make an excuse but nothing came out.
Because suddenly I wasn’t sure.
What had I meant?
That I was dangerous?
That I was doomed?
That getting attached to me was a mistake?
All of those answers sounded insane.
Yet they were also true.
At least from my perspective.
I knew things they didn’t.
I remembered things they couldn’t.
I carried an ending only I had seen.
And every day I lived with the fear that one wrong move would drag everyone I cared about toward that ending with me.
How could I explain that?
How could I tell him that my greatest fear wasn’t losing him?
It was destroying him.
"Ren..."
I swallowed.
"I don’t know how to explain it."
His jaw tightened.
The reaction alone told me that was the wrong answer.
Of course it was. From his perspective, it probably sounded like an excuse.
Another way of avoiding the truth or a way of keeping him at arm’s length.
Yet the truth was impossible.
How was I supposed to tell him that I wasn’t originally from this world?
That I remembered a story where I died?
That I spent every day trying to outrun a future that hadn’t happened yet?
No sane person would believe that.
I barely believed it myself some days.
"You don’t understand."
The words escaped before I could stop them.
Immediately, Ren laughed but the sound left a bitter taste on my own tongue..
He is clearly too hurt to cry anymore.
"Then make me understand."
The firmness in his voice surprised me.
"Aria."
My name sounded different when he said it.
"Tell me."
I looked away.
Because I couldn’t.
I simply couldn’t.
And somehow my silence seemed to answer everything for him.
The disappointment that crossed his face nearly broke me.
For several moments, neither of us spoke.
The room felt unbearably quiet.
But then he spoke again in a quieter voice which somehow made it hurt even more.
"Do you know what scares me?"
I blinked.
Because I had never considered that question before.
Ren let out a slow, trembling breath as though he had finally exhausted all the strength he had been using to hold himself together.
"I am not afraid of hardship."
His gaze never left mine. Even with tears still lingering in his eyes, there was a frightening sincerity there which made it impossible to look away.
"I am not afraid of danger."
His voice remained gentle, but there was certainty behind it. I believed him immediately because I had seen it countless times myself.
Ren had never hesitated when things became difficult.
Whether it was protecting me, standing between me and trouble, or cleaning up disasters I created, he always moved forward without complaint.
His fingers tightened slightly.
"I am not afraid of sacrifice."
Something inside my chest twisted painfully because I knew he meant every word.
Yet now, sitting before me with tears in his eyes, I could not help but see him more vulnerable than when I met him the first time.
His gaze softened.
"But I am afraid of losing you."
My thoughts immediately stopped.
Even my breathing felt strangely distant.
Out of everything he could have said...
Out of all the possible answers...
That was the one I never expected.
Ren lowered his gaze briefly before looking back at me again.
"I can survive almost anything." His voice shook slightly as a bitter smile appeared briefly on his lips.
"I’ve already done all of those things."
The smile disappeared as quickly as it came.
"But I don’t know if I can survive losing you."
The confession struck me harder than anything else he had said tonight.
For a moment, neither of us spoke.
I could only stare at him while my heart pounded loudly inside my chest.
Ren slowly reached toward me.
The movement was hesitant, almost uncertain, as though he feared I might pull away.
His hand trembled slightly before settling against my cheek.
The warmth of his palm made me freeze.
"Aria..."
My name sounded more intimate than it had ever sounded before, coming from him.
His thumb brushed lightly against my skin.
"I know you only see me as your servant."
Pain flashed briefly across his expression.
"But I’ve never been able to see you that way." He paused.
"Aria Valen... I am deeply in love with you."
The words shattered whatever composure I had left.
I flinched instinctively.
And suddenly every strange feeling I had been ignoring for quite a while came rushing back all at once.
All of my emotions came crashing down on me at once and my heart felt completely out of control.
"Ren..."
His name left my lips as nothing more than a whisper.
Before I could gather my thoughts, before I could decide what I was supposed to say, he slowly leaned closer.
The movement was so careful and so gentle.
As though he was giving me every opportunity to stop him.
His fingers shifted beneath my chin, tilting my face upward.
My pulse hammered wildly.
I knew exactly what he was about to do.
I should have stopped him.
I should have said something.
I should have moved.
But I couldn’t.
For some reason...
My heart refused.
Because the truth was that I didn’t want to push him away.
The distance between us disappeared slowly.
Enough for me to see every emotion in his eyes and for me to understand that he wasn’t simply being impulsive.
He really do loved me.
And somehow...
That realization didn’t scare me as much as it should have.
Ren...he is different from the others...right? He is not one of them?
Will it be okay? Will we be okay? Will I be okay?
As he finally closed the remaining distance, his lips finally touched mine.
And that was when the rest of the world seemed to disappear.
Everything else faded away.
The fears.
The future.
The story.
The uncertainty.
For one brief moment, there was only warmth.
Only Ren.
And the realization that neither of us could continue pretending things had remained the same.
