Free Web NovelOn the small smartwatch screen.
On the strange home shopping channel that had started playing, the show host had just spoken.
With the face of her colleague, Kim Soleum.
“This is home shopping, but there’s nothing to sell!”
In that layered, surreal moment when you would normally think, This cannot be real.
“Everyone, why do you watch home shopping?”
Kim Soleum spoke seriously.
In a voice that was pleasant to listen to.
“Because something you really need just happened to come on? Because you think the words ‘historic lowest price’ are actually true? Because you’re convinced that if you buy whatever they’re selling now, you’ll come out ahead?”
“......”
“Well, that’s not me.”
Wearing a suit, Kim Soleum looked a little embarrassed and cleared his throat.
“I end up watching it because I’m lonely and empty inside.
That’s right. I’m exactly the loser who doesn’t even have a partner, gets off work, and flops down on the sofa to eat ice cream straight from the tub. Anyway....”
Pfft—before she realized it, a short laugh burst from Ko Yeongeun’s lips and faded.
Speaking playfully, Kim Soleum clasped his hands and then planted his butt on the table where the home shopping products should have been lined up in style.
“Home shopping channels are different from dramas.
They talk to me.
And they present a solution.
‘If you just buy this, you can be happy!’
‘If you buy this, you’re a really smart person!’
That’s the magical phrase home shopping offers. It just doesn’t guarantee the outcome.
We all know it. All of us have something like a blender we bought from home shopping, used exactly once, and then shoved into a corner in the box it came in.”
...Is he allowed to say that on a home shopping channel?
“Of course, sometimes home shopping is right.
But today, I’d like to talk about something a little different.”
Smoothly wrapping up the topic, Kim Soleum patted the seat next to him toward the person on the far side of the camera.
Toward me.
“Come on, have a seat.
The truth is... there is something I’ve prepared to show you today.”
Of course.
The home shopping viewer would think.
‘That was just bait to sell the product.’
Right. Announcing there’s nothing to sell is just a pre-emptive shock.
Now he’ll start insisting that what he’s selling is on a completely different level and push the viewer to buy....
“But I’m going to give it away for free.”
“...?!”
“Because I already bought every single unit of what I’m selling with my own money!”
What kind of insane line was that?
The show host... hoarded the stock?
“I’m not joking. I really bought it all. I placed the order the moment the broadcast started.
Look!”
Kim Soleum started pulling boxes out from under the table one after another.
Fifteen in total.
The fairly large boxes were neatly wrapped; the opaque material kept the contents hidden, and on the outside, in quaint lettering, the word “Present!” was written.
And he stacked them on the table with a thunk, thunk.
“So....
I packed these with everything that looked like the best, the most coveted products this home shopping channel has in stock, and wrapped them at random.
The show host looked at me with an incredibly suspicious stare. He asked me how on earth I was planning to introduce and sell all this.
‘Hey, Friend of the Talk Show... I know you’re capable. But you’re seriously going to dump everything into random boxes and sell it? Do you think the customers are idiots?’
Yes. They are idiots.
He just never imagined that idiot would turn out to be me....”
-What even is this program
-So this is supposed to be, like, a lottery disguised as home shopping?
-Please let me outletmeoutplease
-I’mtrappedinhome shoppingtrappedtrappedinhome shoppingtrapp
-What’s inside them?
Only now did she notice that at the bottom of the smartwatch, a chat window was scrolling by to complete the look.
But ever since the moment Kim Soleum started saying insane things, it had been updating too fast for her to realize it was there.
“You’re curious what kind of products are inside, right?”
Whether he was reading the comments or not, Kim Soleum put his hand on one of the boxes as if to open it—then stopped, teasingly.
Then he grinned.
“Ah! The way to get one of these gifts is very simple. Just enjoy yourselves while you watch. What that means is...”
Kim Soleum stepped closer and closer to the camera.
Ko Yeongeun became aware that she was unconsciously leaning forward herself.
“...!”
“You just have to talk to me.”
Kim Soleum took a smartphone from his pocket and turned it on.
Then he opened a memo app, wrote his cell phone number, and showed it to the viewers.
“Here, this is my number!”
“...!”
“I’ll be taking calls the entire time this broadcast is on.
And whoever’s call gets through will immediately choose one of these gift boxes. You get everything that’s inside!”
Then he checked the timer function on his phone and pulled a hurried face.
“But the broadcast time is running out. Five minutes have gone by already. Fifteen minutes! It’s so short and precious.
Let’s hurry. Whose call will get through? Let’s find out together....”
It might be you.
***
What is this?
Breathing hard, Ko Yeongeun stared at the screen.
On the tiny display, Kim Soleum was handling the incoming calls with effortless skill.
Sometimes hyped, sometimes completely flustered.
“Hello! Yes? You say you want to put a human being in a box? Are you a magician, by any chance?”
“Hello... Ah, you’re telling me to shut up and open Box No. 2 right now? W-well, all right....”
“This caller is... a student. You just finished your exam? You’ve really been through a lot. I’m happy to be giving you a gift....”
“Viewer? Viewer... Um, I’m pretty sure this one’s a tiger. Is there anyone who can interpret? If you can, please leave a comment—ah, thank you!”
“A taxi driver... Wait a second. You say we know each other?”
This is... home shopping?
No, she wasn’t sure you could even call this home shopping anymore.
Isn’t this just variety TV?
If she had to assign a genre... yeah. fɾeewebnoveℓ.co๓
A talk show.
You laugh and cry listening to the stories of all kinds of people. And you give a gift to everyone who takes part in the interview....
So formulaic it was textbook.
But clichés become clichés because they work.
And there was a kick, too.
-Hellooo he-hellohellooohellhello... heeheeheeheeheeheehee
The people on the other end of the line weren’t always human.
Sometimes there was the creak of a ★ 𝐍𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 ★ gloomy wooden floor, sometimes the background was filled with the screams of people in the middle of dying.
People said things that made no sense, and the studio lights flickered or turned red.
Kim Soleum always took the calls with the caller ID discreetly obscured, but every so often, she caught a glimpse of utterly impossible numbers or bizarre phrases.
Each time, Ko Yeongeun’s heart turned ice cold.
Even now.
BE A GOOD CHILD
COME BACK
“Ah... right, there, one of the elders in my family just called. No, wait, our mascot.... I’m fine. I’m working hard!”
The host chatted with something that was obviously not human as if it were some old relative. The jolt that came from that uncanny mismatch.
Humor, horror, familiarity.
All of it fused into fifteen minutes packed tight with conflicting stimulation.
-This is so goodthisissogoodthisissogood
-Next next hurry
-That ghost, fuck, that’s terrifying
-Die
-Please someone tell me this guy’s Inheart account, this concept is insanely good
The comments were updating at a speed that made them impossible to read anymore.
And then....
“And now we have one gift left! Just one!
What’s left is... you’ve got to be kidding me, this is the very first box I picked and packed myself!
Wow, I am so curious who’s going to get it!
......Hold on, one minute? We only have one minute of broadcast left? Let’s take a call right now!”
One minute before the broadcast ended.
The final call was connected.
“Hello!”
And then.
From beyond the smartphone, from that modern, mass-produced device, came a voice with a depth and resonance far too profound to belong there.
[Oh, pleasure to meet you, Friend of the Talk Show.]
...!!
Startled, Kim Soleum jerked his head away from the phone.
Staring in disbelief at the sound on speakerphone and the “in call” screen, he—
“E-everyone. The person who just called is... don’t be shocked. My god.
The legendary host of the Late-Night Talk Show, Mr. Brown, is on the line!”
The comment window filled with the howls of grotesque things.
Naturally, Ko Yeongeun swallowed.
A famous... darkness?
Even within the darkness, she knew there were strange hierarchies and systems—“things beyond what you see, the rest of what’s out there”—that were hard for humans to even grasp.
That distinct, pleasant male intonation rang out again.
...Along with a faint band sound.
[Surprised? Oh, in that case, I have one more little surprise....]
“...Excuse me?”
[What time do you think it is right now?]
“...Close to midnight, I guess, wait, no way, no way....”
[Have you figured it out?]
[You’re appearing on the Late-Night Talk Show right now!]
“Whaaaaugh!”
Kim Soleum exploded.
Ko Yeongeun didn’t know it, but he was loud enough for it to carry all the way to the shooting locations of the other contestants whose segments were being simulcast for the Show Host Survival nearby.
“Wait, hold on, no... Is this okay? Is it okay for this program to be carried on the Late-Night Talk Show?”
[Hahaha, of course it’s fine. I’m the one who called. What I’m wondering is whether your broadcast is all right. If the simulcast is inconvenient, we can cut it off right away.]
“Huh? No, just a moment....”
Kim Soleum glanced off-camera for a moment. It seemed someone important was standing there.
Then he quickly nodded with a bright expression.
“Yes! They say it’s absolutely fine!”
And forty-five glorious seconds went by.
“......”
When Ko Yeongeun came to her senses, she was sitting dumbly on the coupler between the train cars.
...A dream?
But soon enough, she saw it.
...That the “Delusion Home Shopping Live App” was now sitting clearly installed on her smartwatch.
And if she had known that what she’d just watched was the Show Host Survival program, she would have realized instinctively.
That Kim Soleum must have won.
***
“Okay then, bye everyone! Thank you!”
I kept waving at the camera until the light went out.
The broadcast that ended with the call from the host as a finale had gone pretty well! At this level, even if I couldn’t get a slot on the main Late-Night Talk Show, they might give me a small special corner now and then, right?
...No, no. I have no intention of going back to the Late-Night Talk Show... to that cool workplace.
Right.
My goal was to come in first on home shopping.
And that....
Clap, clap, clap.
Beyond the dead camera.
The Delusion Home Shopping show host fixed me with an odd stare as he applauded.
With his blood-red mouth, he spoke.
[Very clever. Right? You used the fact that the final broadcast doesn’t end when the products sell out.]
“......”
[You ordered out the entire stock at your own expense the moment the broadcast began, sold out everything, and then handed it out for free to win viewer favor... only to spend the rest of the slot on pointless chatter!]
As expected of someone seasoned in the industry, he’d picked up at least that much.
But the thing is.
“Still, my ratings were the highest, weren’t they?”
[...]
The chatter wasn’t pointless.
I’d used “gift drawing” on purpose to keep viewers’ eyes on the screen.
I’d used the call-ins to ramp up their anticipation.
I’d condensed everything important into fifteen minutes at a brisk tempo.
And I’d used explosive reactions and conversations to carry my voice over into other contestants’ home shopping segments, stealing attention.
Apparently he hadn’t caught all the details one by one.
[So what?]
There was at least one thing he had noticed.
That I’d hurt the sales of the other contestants.
[You managed to plant a negative image of our home shopping in the viewers’ minds.]
“First place is still first place, isn’t it?”
[First place? Hahaha!]
The show host’s face twisted as he came close, warping in midair.
[Buying your own products is cheating.]
“...You didn’t specify that anywhere, did you?”
[Specify, he says. Why would we bother specifying something that obvious? And besides....]
The show host’s mouth opened, revealing the blood-red void inside. The world around me warped, his tongue lengthened, his eyes bulged....
[Cheaters are automatically disqualified.]
“That’s a lie.”
[...]
I smiled.
“Because I wasn’t the one who bought them. Someone else placed the order.”
[Hahaha, and let’s say this ‘someone else’ is actually very close to you and bought the products as a favor, at your request.]
[That’s still cheating.]
“Is that so?”
Still smiling, I pulled out my smartphone and made a call.
To that “someone else” whose number was still in my call history.
“Why don’t you check for yourself?”
The Delusion Home Shopping show host, who had been staring at me with those abnormally huge black pupils, grinned so wide his mouth nearly split his face and took the phone.
And the moment he watched, relaxed, as the call connected—
[Oh, what’s the occasion?]
[...!!]
He jolted, almost dropping my smartphone before he caught it again.
“M-mr. Host... Mr. Brown?”
[Speaking. And you are?]
“I’m Red Friday. Haha, it’s been a while since we talked, Mr. Brown...!”
The Delusion Home Shopping show host sounded flustered, but he cleared his throat, as if to steady himself and speak with confidence.
“Right now is the Late-Night Talk Show time slot....”
[Oh, we just wrapped a live broadcast.]
“Ah, I see. I didn’t know. I don’t really watch other variety shows.”
The show host smiled, then, looking slightly sly, spoke smoothly.
“Come to think of it, you called just a moment ago as well, didn’t you. I suppose you must have been pretty concerned about our home shopping variety show, running in the same time slot. Especially since one of your staff transferred over!”
[Of course. I’m always concerned about my friend.... And I’m touched that you care so much about my peace of mind too.]
My host added gently,
[You must have a lot to worry about on your home shopping side as well. For instance... the amount you’ll have to pay is going to be substantial.]
“...Excuse me?”
The show host chuckled, sounding like he’d caught on.
“Hahaha... Ah, you mean the products that Friend of the Talk Show just gave away as he pleased? He claimed you’d already bought everything, but I guess that was a lie?”
I felt his hand close around my head.
[Don’t worry. The bill... will be settled by this Friend of the Talk Show here.]
[Oh.]
My host let out a soft exclamation.
[What a shame. I didn’t mean it like that at all. What I was talking about was....] freēwebnovel.com
.......
[The transmission fee.]
“......Pardon?”
[Your home shopping segment was carried on my Late-Night Talk Show. Do you know how far my show is broadcast?]
[...!!]
[And tonight was even a special episode. Oh yes—‘Tuesday’s Joy, Tuesday’s Heat, Remembering the Tuesday Quiz Show’!]
With cultured, cheerful diction, he spoke in a gentle murmur.
[Far out, way behind, deep down, by every medium and through every means, tonight’s talk show was transmitted....]
“......”
The show host looked back at me.
I smiled.
Even if the transmission fee is expensive, deals like this still go through! Maybe because this place is so isolated?
You said that yourself, didn’t you?
I hadn’t forgotten.
“W-wait just a....”
[For that little studio in the middle of nowhere, I imagine it was hard enough to afford the usual transmission fee, and yet you had the courage to answer ‘we’ll broadcast’... Oh, I was quite moved. Truly.]
“Mr. Host,”
[And yet....]
[Can you really pay right now?]
“T-that...”
[It seems difficult, doesn’t it. The amount must be astronomical, what a pity....]
“P-please give us a moment...! Of course we can prepare it. Of course it’s possible! In the meantime...”
[Oh dear, it seems you don’t understand that negotiation is pointless. The transmission fee is executed automatically. Now then....]
Every light in the studio went out.
[It is time for seizure.]
