Free Web NovelChapter 683: The List Goes Out I
The Moroccan reaction was the one that undid me, and it was the opposite of the English one in every way that counts. It was not asking whether I was worthy. It was not asking anything. It was hope, and it arrived within the hour and it did not come in headlines, it came in clips.
A café in Casablanca with the telly turned up and a room of men gone quiet. freeweɓnovēl.coɱ
An old fella in Rabat stopped in the street by a reporter, saying my name back to the camera slowly, carefully, like a word he wanted to get right.
Kids already in the red shirts, already, arms folded, chins up, doing the we told you they had borrowed off a video they were too young to have seen the first time.
Emma sent me one of those without a single word attached, which is what she does when a thing is too big to put a message on. Just the clip.
A boy of about nine in a Morocco shirt, arms crossed, chin lifted, staring down a phone camera with the absolute certainty of a child who has decided his team is going to win the World Cup because a man off the telly said yes.
I put the phone face down for a minute after that one. A different reason than the English stuff. The English stuff I put down because it was noise. That one I put down because it was weight.
A country that had waited twenty years to get back to a World Cup at all had been handed, three weeks out, into a group with Spain and Cristiano Ronaldo’s Portugal, the most frightening two names the draw could have given them.
And instead of mourning the draw they had spent six months mourning, they had latched onto a daft phone call and a young Englishman and decided, overnight, to hope.
That is a heavy thing to be handed. I have carried relegation runs and cup finals and a club’s whole summer. I had never carried a nation’s hope before, and it arrived on my phone as a nine-year-old with his arms folded, and it did not feel light.
So I knew, by two o’clock, exactly what I was not going to do at four.
By two o’clock Beckenham was under siege.
I stood at the window of the meeting room and looked down at it.
The lane outside the training-ground gate, the quiet leafy one with the speed bumps where on a normal Tuesday you might see a dog walker and a delivery van, was a wall of vehicles.
Satellite trucks with the dishes cranked up, parked nose to tail on both verges, cables taped across the tarmac. Reporters doing pieces to camera every few feet, each one stood far enough from the next to pretend they had the place to themselves, all of them saying my name into a lens with the same gate behind them.
A lad from one of the radio stations had climbed onto the bonnet of his own car for a better angle. Two lads on a moped slowed right down to film the scrum on their phones and got moved on by a copper who had not been there an hour ago and was there now.
Beep of a reversing truck. The flat electronic warble of a dozen live feeds going at once. Somebody’s drone up over the car park like a wasp, until security got on the radio and it came down.
They could not get in. Beckenham has a gate and a fence and a man called Derek who has turned away better than them. But they did not need in. They only needed me to come out, and stand at a microphone, and say one wrong word.
So I was not going out the gate. That was the first decision. And the second was that they were not getting the row they had driven across London to film.
They wanted the desk. The forty hands up, the gotcha. Daniel, is six weeks an insult to Palace. Daniel, have you bitten off more than you can chew. Daniel, can you even name their goalkeepers. They had the questions written before the ink was dry, every one built to make me say a sentence I would spend a week taking back.
You cannot win the row. The row is their pitch and their ball.
So I read them a register instead. freēwebnovel.com
Jessica set it up the only way Jessica sets anything up. Not a press conference. A live cross, four o’clock, one camera, the federation channel and Sky carrying it at the same time, agreed in advance, terms locked.
No questions. Because a manager naming a squad does not take questions, he reads a list, and a list is the one thing in football that nobody alive can argue with while you are still reading it out.
There was one more decision in it that I made on my own and told nobody, not Jessica, not Bray, not even Marcus, and I made it watching that lunchtime pundit through the meeting-room telly tell eleven million people I could not say a word to my own players. I decided, then, exactly how I was going to read this list.
The how mattered more than the what. But I kept that to myself, because the only thing better than a card nobody knows you hold is the moment you turn it over on live television.
I did not do it at the gate. I did it inside, in the analysis room, the blinds down on the scrum outside, one camera on a tripod and the whole circus locked out beyond a fence forty yards away with no idea I was even live until I was.
I stood in a federation tracksuit that still had the fold lines in it and smelled of the bag, and I had Bray and Marcus and Steele and Rebecca off to the side out of shot, because I wanted them there even if the country could not see them.
Elena’s red light on at the back, the camera giving a soft click as it found me. And I did the one thing that cuts clean through a frenzy, which is to stop being the story and start doing the work.
"Bonjour." Tk of the mic settling. "Ça va?"
And then I kept going in it. Not a word of English.
The room moved. I caught it at the edges, the way you catch a crowd shift without looking at it. Bray’s head came up off his folded arms. Steele, who had been staring at his phone, stopped staring at his phone.
Rebecca’s eyebrows went somewhere near her hairline and stayed there.
The lad on the camera flicked his eyes up off the viewfinder to check the man in front of him was the same one who had walked in five minutes ago, and the federation media officer by the door, the one who had spent two nights on the phone teaching me names and had never once heard me string a French sentence together, put a hand flat over his own mouth.
Off to the side, low, I heard Marcus breathe one word.
"What."
I did not stop and I did not look at any of them. That was the whole trick of it. You do not do a thing like this and then check the room to see if it landed. You do it like you have done it every day of your life, and you let the checking happen behind you.
I had decided on the French watching the lunchtime pundit, and I had not flagged it, not to Jessica, not to Bray, not to anyone, did not clear my throat and announce it, I just opened my mouth and it came out level and easy, the way it comes out of a man who has it.
I will give you the gist of it in your own language, the way the country got it an hour later off a translation, but understand it left my mouth in French, every word, live, on a feed going out to two nations at once.
"Il y a beaucoup de questions aujourd’hui. There’s a lot of questions today. I’m not taking them, because today isn’t about me, and I’ve said about all I have to say about myself this week." I let it sit half a second.
"Aujourd’hui, c’est le premier jour du travail. Today’s the first day of the work. So I’ll not stand here telling you how I feel. I’ll do the first job instead. Voici l’équipe. This is the squad."
And I read the list.
Not a leak. Not a provisional whisper to a friendly reporter. The preliminary twenty-three, à voix haute, out loud, my own mouth, live across two countries, name by name, slow, the way a manager claims a group of men as his own.
"Gardiens. Munir Mohamedi. Yassine Bounou. Ahmed Reda Tagnaouti."
I read every name like it was the only one, because to the man hearing his own name read out by his new manager on live television it was the biggest moment of his life, and I had sat up two nights learning the mouth of each one, so I would not insult a single mother by mangling her son’s name on the day he found out he was going to a World Cup.
And every name sat right in French. Of course it did. Half of them had heard their own name said properly by a manager for the first time in years.
"Défenseurs. Achraf Hakimi." Nothing on my face. The lad I had chased all spring across a hundred bad streams, mine to pick now instead of buy. "Mehdi Benatia, capitaine. Romain Saiss. Nabil Dirar. Manuel da Costa. Badr Banoun. Hamza Mendyl."
"Milieux. Karim El Ahmadi. Mbark Boussoufa. Younes Belhanda. Sofyan Amrabat. Faycal Fajr."
"Attaquants. Hakim Ziyech." I let his breathe a half-second past the rest, because the whole country loved him and the whole country feared for him and they needed to hear the new man say his name first on the sheet, which is where it was.
"Nordin Amrabat. Khalid Boutaib. Youssef En-Nesyri. Aziz Bouhaddouz. Mehdi Carcela."
I lowered the sheet.
"That’s the squad. That’s who we’ve got. And before anyone at home starts on which names I’ve left off and which I ought to be worried about, save your breath, because I’ve already had every one of those arguments with myself at one in the morning."
Almost a smile. The thing the documentary has apparently taught the country to feel it recognises. "I know what people think this group is. I’ve read it today, same as you. Plucky. Hard-working. Good for a clean sheet, a song, and an early flight home. I’ve heard exactly how far this team is meant to go."
I looked at the camera.
