Free Web NovelChapter 18: This Is On Me
I lay on my bed looking up at the ceiling, thinking about what will happen tomorrow. The fan above me kept spinning. Slow. Steady. Like it had no care in the world. My hands rested on my stomach without me meaning to. I quickly moved them away.
Should I put my trust in the person who got me into this fucking mess?
I shut my eyes for a second. Opened them again. The ceiling was still there. The problem was still there.
"Faye, don’t you want to go to school? Uncle Eriko is waiting to drive us, and I don’t want to be late."
Kaye’s voice came from outside the door.
"Kaye, if you don’t want to be late, just go, okay?" I shouted. The words came out sharp. I didn’t even realize my voice was loud.
There was silence for a few seconds.
"I just don’t want you to walk to school. Now that you are going to have a baby," he said with his voice down.
The word baby hung in the air. Now I am regretting shouting. I sat up from the bed. My head felt heavy. My throat tight.
"Do you really think Paye is not going to be mad at me for what I did?"
He opened the door slowly and leaned against it.
"If we were in Redwood, he is not going to be angry. But what is happening to him, I don’t know if he is even aware of our surroundings. Nanna doesn’t look good these days," he muttered.
He looked smaller saying that. Even he too has noticed that Paye has changed.
"But as long as we are together, we will always be okay."
He said it like he believed it. Like he needed to believe it. I nodded even though he could see my face.
"I’m coming," I said as I grabbed my bag and followed him downstairs.
The house felt too quiet. Paye wasn’t home yet. His shoes were not by the door. His jacket was not on the chair.
Eriko drove us to school as usual. The car ride was silent except for the engine. He did not say much. He said Paye was working double shifts and would be home later in the day. Double shifts. Again.
He asked if I was okay. I told him I was. The lie came out easily. I told him he should give me one more day before I inform my brother. My fingers tightened around my bag strap when I said that. He nodded and drove off. One more day.
Just then I noticed Princess with her girlfriend walking into the school premises together. They were close. Talking. Laughing quietly. Like nothing in the world was wrong.
I took a deep breath before going in. My chest rose. Fell.
I didn’t even realize when I bumped into them in the hallway. My shoulder hit hers. Light contact. She just ignored me. Did not say anything nor look at me. Not even a glance.
Well, that is how it has always been. But today felt different. Today I wanted her to look at me. To say something. To fix it. To take responsibility. To say we will handle it.
Instead, she walked past me like I was air. My throat tightened. I swallowed it down and kept walking.
During break, I brought lunch to Malo. It’s the least I could do since I put him in that condition.
I usually pay for my lunch, but the lunch lady refused to collect money from me. She even said I should take as much as I want and make sure I am full. Her eyes lingered on me for a second too long. That was surprising because she had never spoken to me before. Always with a strong face kind.
Is she being nice because she noticed or sensed I was pregnant?
My hand moved to my stomach again before I stopped it. I just nodded my head and left.
"Anything alright?" Malo said, bringing me out of my deep thoughts. His jaw was still wrapped. His words came out slightly off.
"Yeah, I’m good. Are you done eating?" I asked.
"I just started eating," he said, rolling his eyes, then continued to eat. I watched him chew.
"Does the school accept pregnancy.... you know student who are pregnant?" I said.
The question slipped out before I could stop it. He raised his head slowly. freewebnσvel.cøm
"Have you seen any preggo around the school premises?" he replied. ƒreewebηoveℓ.com
I looked away. Thought as much. I don’t know if the school policy will let me continue my studies if they find out that I am pregnant.
"Are you pregnant?"
The word hit hard.
"What? No. Why do you think I am?"
"You mentioned pregnancy, so I thought you might be. If you are, just know you will be suspended."
"Wait, what?"
My heart skipped.
"It’s the school policy. One time this omega student was pregnant. Alpha Adam expelled him from Oak High. He made an example of him and said any pregnant student from that day on will be expelled. And that was 6 years ago. Princess might be kind, but she follows her brother’s rules."
Each word felt louder than the last. Expelled. Example. Policy.
I watched as he kept talking. His lips moved. I could see them move. I could not hear anymore. The sound in my ears returned. That dull hum again. I just fed him the oat in his mouth so he could stop talking.
"I’m not pregnant," I said out loud.
The words sounded strange and loud.
"Good. Because I don’t want a situation where you get to leave again," he said, then continued to eat.
Leave again?
"Leave again? What do you mean?"
"Damn, this oat is so fucking good. The scary lunch lady always makes this oat mainly for the Trios. Today must be your lucky day. Haha."
He laughed. I stared at him. Lucky.
Whatever. I am out of here. I didn’t even say goodbye. I just left him there.
The hallway felt longer on my way out. When I got home after school, I met Kaye crying. His eyes were red. His nose running. My heart dropped immediately.
He told me that Paye was rushed to the hospital. He fainted when he got home from work.
The word fainted made my chest tighten. We both quickly went to the hospital. My legs felt weak but I kept walking. We got to the reception and they directed us to his ward.
He was with Eriko. Seeing him lying on the bed like that made everything inside me shake.
"Paye, what happened to you? Are you alright?" I immediately said the moment I saw him lying on the bed.
Kaye began to cry louder and Eriko tried to calm him down and took him out, promising to buy him a juice box.
The door closed.
"Hey, don’t cry too. I’m fine, see?" he said when he noticed my eyes watering.
He tried to smile. It looked forced.
"Why are you doing this to yourself? You are not meant to carry all the burden. When are you going to rest from all of this?" I said as I began to cry. I couldn’t control myself.
I hated it when I see him like this. I hate it when my brother gets down like this. And I know the reason why.
Before Kaye came, he was like this. He worked his butt off just to take care of me. After our mom passed, our father abandoned us both. Only him has been taking care of me since I was 2 years old and he was 8. All by himself.
That is why I was happy when we got to Redwood. His hustle and struggles weighed down thanks to Guru.
And now I don’t know what happened between them that he has to come back to square one.
"Hey, puppy, you know I don’t like seeing you cry."
His voice was softer now.
"And I don’t like seeing you like this. You look so pale and thin. And it feels like I am bringing more burden to you," I kept on crying.
The words slipped out before I could stop them. He slowly sat up and hugged me. His arms felt lighter than before.
"Puppy, you are not a burden, okay? I’m fine. It’s just a little migraine. Don’t cry. Seeing you and Kaye will make me cry. You two are my strength. Only you two," he said, petting my hair.
Even his petting felt weak. I closed my eyes in his chest. I just can’t. I am not going to add to my brother’s problems. I should be helping him reduce them, not add to them. My fingers tightened into fists.
I need to fix this problem myself. She was right. There is only me. This is on me, and I am going to do what is right.
I have to get rid of the baby.
