Free Web NovelChapter 15: Self Defence
"The world’s a shitty place," he says quietly. "So I’m gonna teach you some important things."
The words catch me off guard. Not because they’re dramatic, River doesn’t speak dramatically, he says things plainly.
Because nobody’s ever taught me things before just because they wanted me safer. I cover quickly with sarcasm because emotional vulnerability is for people with stable childhoods.
"What, like taxes?"
"Self-defense."
"Oh."
River steps closer until the toes of his boots are a breath from mine. Slowly, giving me every opportunity to pull away, he lifts one hand and tips my chin upward gently.
Heat floods through me as his thumb brushes once across my cheekbone.
"You’re small," he murmurs.
"That is the first time anyone has ever said that." I huff a laugh. "River, my dear, I am not small."
"You’re smaller than me, than us." His gaze skims down my body. "Perfect."
I blink.
"People underestimate you because you smile when you’re uncomfortable."
That one lands directly in my unresolved trauma. Before I can deflect with another joke, River moves behind me, close enough that I can feel the warmth of him at my back.
"If somebody grabs you," he says near my ear, "don’t fight their strength. Redirect it."
His hands settle lightly around my wrists and every thought in my brain catches fire.
He guides me through the movement slowly, showing me how to twist my body instead of pulling away. How to shift my weight. Where to place my feet.
Simple movements, practical ones and every touch feels strangely intimate.
River never manhandles me. Never forces. He adjusts me carefully, patiently, his large hands warm against my arms while he murmurs quiet instructions.
"Again."
I try.
Completely fail.
My foot slips in the grass and I stumble sideways with all the grace of a tranquilised deer. River catches me against his chest, one arm wraps around my waist before I hit the ground.
For a second neither of us moves, I become aggressively aware of everything all at once. The solid muscle beneath his shirt, the rough scrape of his thumb against my side, the smell of him.
God.
He smells incredible.
Smoke after rain coupled with something darker underneath that makes my stomach tighten embarrassingly fast.
"I’m strong in theory," I mutter weakly.
"You’re chaos in theory and practice."
I laugh before I can stop myself and the sound seems to surprise both of us.
The next hour passes strangely peacefully.
River teaches me little things. How to break a wrist hold. How to use momentum instead of strength. Where to strike if cornered. None of it flashy or violent. Just useful and as he said earlier, grounding.
The whole time, he treats me like someone worth protecting. Not pathetic or disposable. Worth teaching. That feeling sits heavily in my chest by the time he finally guides me back toward the blanket.
"Sit."
I narrow my eyes as I sink to the floor. "That was extremely Alpha-male of you."
"And yet," he says calmly, "you listened."
My thighs clench.
Annoying.
River kneels beside the backpack and starts unpacking containers of yoghurt, granola, frsh chopped fruit, and honey.
"You packed a picnic."
"You forget to eat when you’re overwhelmed."
My mouth opens.
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Because that’s true, painfully true.
River settles beside me cross-legged and scoops up a spoonful of yoghurt before holding it toward my mouth.
I stare at him.
"Are you feeding me?"
"Yes."
"I can do it."
"Open your mouth, baby."
The low calm authority in his voice hits me somewhere deeply unfortunate. Mortifyingly, I obey.
The yoghurt is cold and sweet with honey, and River watches me eat with a quiet focus that feels more intimate than half the sexual things that’ve happened in that house already.
"You take care of everyone else first," he says eventually.
I snort softly. "Most people are disasters."
"So are you."
"Well yeah, but I’m my disaster."
His hand lifts, thumb brushing beneath my eye and comes away wet. I hadn’t even realised tears were sliding down my face.
"Oh, come on," I whisper shakily. "What is wrong with me lately?"
River’s expression softens with understanding. He shifts closer until our knees press together on the blanket. Then he cups the side of my face gently and pulls me toward him until our foreheads rest together.
The world goes very quiet.
"What’s happening to me?" I whisper.
Because I can’t keep pretending this is normal anymore. The emotions. The attraction. The way my body reacts to them before my brain catches up.
"I don’t understand any of this, River."
For a long moment, he just breathes with me, his nose brushes mine softly, his thumb strokes slowly across my cheek.
"There’s nothing wrong with you," he murmurs.
"There is."
"No." His voice drops lower. "There’s something waking up."
A shiver runs through me as I pull back enough to search his face. "What does that even mean?"
River’s eyes hold mine steadily, dark and endless and strangely sad.
Then he leans forward again until his forehead presses against mine once more.
"When the time comes," he says quietly, "your body will remember what your mind had to forget."
