Free Web NovelChapter 403: Chapter 278: A Life of Loneliness
Nuobai stared blankly at the line she’d instinctively typed: [I also hope], and then absentmindedly looked up.
The warm, yellow light spilled into the room, surrounded only by the sound of wind blowing snow and the kind elder moving her chopsticks; the warmth of the hearth seeped into her heart, this was the peaceful life she’d longed for.
Nuobai remained silent, her finger hovering over the delete key.
After hesitating for who knows how long, she silently deleted the original line.
Then typed a new line:
[Happy New Year, wishing safety in the coming year]
After sending the message to Su Mo, Nuobai continued eating.
At this moment, Grandma Zheng suddenly laughed and said, "A message from a boy?"
Nuobai blinked and typed:
[How did you know?]
Grandma Zheng laughed heartily, "Oh my, your lips are almost curling up to the sky, how could I not see?"
Nuobai paused for a moment, rubbing her own face.
[Was I smiling just now?]
Grandma Zheng said kindly, "You were, you weren’t even aware of it yourself, it seems the other party is a boy you have good feelings for, making you smile unconsciously."
Nuobai felt a bit embarrassed, constantly touching the back of her head.
Grandma Zheng held Nuobai’s hand and said earnestly, "Bai Yatou, I won’t pry into your personal life, I just want to give you some advice from someone who’s been there."
"Living a lifetime, the most important thing is to figure out what you truly want. Don’t think it’s easy, it’s very hard."
"Sometimes you think what you want is something, but living till the end, you realize it’s only a mirage."
"Take me for example, I’ve always been a small-minded woman, without ambition or success, when I was young, my greatest wish was to find a reliable man to marry, have children, and live a stable life."
"But you know, my husband and daughter are no longer here, when they first left, I felt life had no hope, it was impossible to go on, I really wanted to die early."
Upon hearing, Nuobai hurriedly sat beside Grandma Zheng, holding her hand, shaking her head continuously.
Grandma Zheng let out a hearty laugh, gently stroked Nuobai’s back, and said, "Don’t worry, I haven’t finished talking yet."
"Later, as time went by, you moved to this neighborhood, initially coming every few weeks to buy sauce, rice, oil, and salt, later occasionally chatting with me, playing chess."
"Suddenly one day I realized, every time after you leave, I always look forward to your next visit, and eh, life doesn’t seem so bitter, there’s hope again."
"From then on I understood, life itself isn’t important, what’s important is who you spend it with."
This sentence sent Nuobai into deep thought, her eyes downcast, speechless for a long time. freewebnøvel.coɱ
Grandma Zheng smiled knowingly, softly said, "Bai Yatou, you’ve been quite mysterious, rarely mentioning past matters to me."
"All I know is you’re solitary, without much social circle, seemingly accustomed to a solitary life."
"But you need to really ponder, is this truly what you want?"
"Do you truly enjoy this life without companionship wholeheartedly? Or perhaps, you’ve misunderstood your own thoughts all along, is there something in the depths of your heart you’re unaware of?"
The surroundings were silent, the warm light flickered indoors, while snow fluttered outside.
...
After finishing the New Year’s Eve dinner at Grandma Zheng’s, helping to tidy up the dishes, and watching the New Year’s Eve gala together till late night, Nuobai returned to her own home.
The bedroom lights were off, she leaned against the wall sitting by the window, holding a sleeping cat in her arms, silently gazing at the city’s nightscape.
Tonight, New Moon City was as usual, dazzling with bright lights, shining with thousands of household lights, every household immersed in the joy of reunion.
Gradually, as time passed, it reached the midnight of New Year’s Eve.
As the distant melodious chimes of the New Year rang, fireworks began to bloom in the night sky, brilliant colors adorned the entire New Moon City, like splendid stars falling to earth.
Nuobai listened quietly to the sound of fireworks through the window.
The fireworks burst forth, resonating fiercely, yet for some reason, they sounded a bit chilly.
Watching those fireworks unrelated to herself, in a trance, she recalled her journey.
Once, she was also a timid and tearful child, drifting on the streets without parents, picking up trash, sleeping on the streets, stealing things, enduring countless scolding and beatings.
But what could be done? Alone, she could only silently wipe away tears and swallow food tinged with blood.
Later, pushed by fate to become a mercenary, traversing battlefields year-round, licking blood on the edge of the blade, to shake off the relentless illness chasing behind, she could only desperately race against time, hurt, kill, continually sinking in darkness...
From childhood to adulthood, an indescribable emptiness accompanied her.
She couldn’t put her finger on what it was, just felt it was the suffocating mercenary life that brought it upon her.
So she constantly wished to heal and escape those days quickly.
Eventually, she succeeded in retiring, leading the ordinary life she envisioned.
Yes, this life is good, filled with cats, dogs, flowers, plants, both body and soul at peace, no longer struggling just to survive.
Yet that indescribable emptiness hadn’t vanished, it still lingered day by day.
Why is it...
Nuobai listened to the chilly sound of fireworks, closed her eyes.
She tried imagining others at this moment, picturing those warm families, relatives gathered around the dining table, laughter filling the house.
Imagining friends gathering to play video games, board games, surrounded by snacks and soda, spending this special night together.
Also imagining couples exchanging New Year’s first kisses under the fireworks, strolling hand in hand on city streets, happily nestled together, looking forward to the next year’s aspirations.
Then, she began to reflect on her own life.
No family.
No friends.
No lover.
Nothing at all.
Arriving alone in this world.
Growing up alone.
Struggling for survival alone.
Living silently alone.
Loneliness...
Suddenly, Nuobai realized. ƒree𝑤ebnσvel.com
The emptiness accompanying her since childhood... is loneliness.
All along, she only thought about surviving, never considered how to live.
She once constantly wanted to escape the killing and conflict, but never thought about why.
She believed she wanted solitary peace.
But that’s not it.
What she truly wanted was to rid herself of loneliness.
At this moment, something seemed to strike Nuobai’s heart, an indescribable throbbing coursed through her body, a sadness from nowhere spreading through her heart.
She tightly held the cat in her arms, gazing silently at the snow and fireworks intertwining in the sky outside.
So lonely.
